Chapter 4

(Enter PARDALISCA, from the house, laughing aloud.)

PARDALISCA: (to herself.) Upon my faith, I do not believe that at Nemea, nor do I think that at Olympia, or anywhere else, there ever where such funny games as these ridiculous games that are going on in-doors here with our old gentleman and our bailiff Olympio. In-doors, all over the house, all are in a bustle; the old man is bawling away in the kitchen, and urging on the cooks.

Why don’t you go to work at once? Why don’t you serve up, if you are going to serve up? Make haste; the dinner ought to have been cooked by this. And then this bailiff is strutting about with his chaplet, clothed in white and finely rigged out. And then these women are dressing up the armour-bearer in the bedroom, to give him to be married to our bailiff in place of Casina; but the artful baggages very cleverly conceal what the upshot of this is really to be. Then too, in a manner quite worthy of them, the cooks are very cleverly doing their best to the end that the old gentleman mayn’t get his dinner. They are upsetting the pots, and putting out the fire with the water.

At the request of these ladies they are so doing; they, too, are determined to bundle the old fellow dinnerless out of doors, that they by themselves may blow out their own stomachs. I know these female gluttons; a merchant-ship full of victuals they can devour. But the door is opening.

(Enter STALINO, from the house.)

STALINO: (speaking to CLEOSTRATA, within.) If you are wise, wife, you’ll dine, after all, when the dinner’s cooked. I shall dine in the country, for I’m desirous to attend the new-made husband and the newly-made bride into the country (I know the mischievous habits of persons), that no one may carry her off. Do you people indulge your appetite.

But do make haste and send him and her out immediately, that at least we may get there in daylight. I shall be here tomorrow; to-morrow, wife, I’ll be having a banquet still.

PARDALISCA: (aside.) ’Tis as I said it would be; the women are packing the old fellow dinnerless out of doors.

STALINO: (to PARDALISCA.) What are you doing here?

PARDALISCA: I’m going whither she sent me.

STALINO: Really?

PARDALISCA: Seriously.

STALINO: What are you looking for here?

PARDALISCA: Really I’m looking for nothing at all.

STALINO: Be off; you are loitering here; the others are bustling about in-doors.

PARDALISCA: I’m off.

STALINO: Be off, then, will you, away from here, you jade of jades. (PARDALISCA goes into the house.) Is she gone then? I may now say here anything I please.

He that’s in love, i’ faith, even if he is hungry, isn’t hungry at all. But see, the bailiff, my associate, companion, and husband-in-copartnership, is coming out of doors with wreath and torch.

(Enter OLYMPIO, dressed in white, with a wreath on his head, and a torch in his hand, accompanied by MUSICIANS)

OLYMPIO: (to one of the MUSICIANS.) Come, piper, while they are escorting the new-made bride out of doors, make the whole of this street resound with a sweet wedding-tune.

(He sings aloud.) Io Hymen hymenaee! Io Hymen!

STALINO: (accosting him.) How fare you, my preserver?

OLYMPIO: I’m very hungry, faith; and, in fact, I’m not thirsty a little.

STALINO: But I’m in love.

OLYMPIO: Still, upon my faith, love, I shan’t be making any trial of you. For some time past my inside has been grumbling with emptiness.

STALINO: But why is she now delaying so long in-doors, just as though on purpose?

The greater the haste I’m in, in so much the less is she.

OLYMPIO: What if I were even to trill an hymeneal lay?

STALINO: I agree to that; and I’ll help you at these our common nuptials.

OLYMPIO: (STALINO joining, they sing.) Hymen hymenaee! Io Hymen!

STALINO: Upon my faith, I’m dreadfully done up; one may burst one’s self with singing this hymeneal lay; if I do burst this way, I can’t burst any other, that I may make sure of.

OLYMPIO: Upon my faith, for sure, if you were a horse, you’d never be broken in.

STALINO: On what grounds?

OLYMPIO: You are too hard-mouthed.

STALINO: Have you ever found me so?

OLYMPIO: The Gods forbid! But the door makes a noise; they are coming out.

STALINO: I’ troth, the Gods do will me to be preserved at last. I already smell Casina at a distance. (They move to a distance.)

(Enter, from the house, two FEMALE SERVANTS leading CHALINUS, veiled and dressed in women’s clothes, as CASINA.)

TWO MAID-SERVANTS: Move on, and raise your feet a little over the threshold, newly-married bride; prosperously commence this journey, that you may always be alive for your husband, that you may be his superior in power, and the conqueror, and that your rule may gain the upper hand. Let your husband find you in clothes; you plunder your husband;

by night and day to be tricking your husband, prithee, do remember.

OLYMPIO: (to STALINO.) Upon my faith, at her downright peril, the instant she offends me ever so little!

STALINO: Hold your tongue.

OLYMPIO: I shall not hold my tongue.

STALINO: What’s the matter

OLYMPIO: These wicked jades are wickedly teaching her wicked lessons.

STALINO: Instead of being all ready, they’ll be bringing this matter all into confusion for me. They are striving at that, wishing for it, that they may have it all undone.

TWO MAID-SERVANTS: Come, Olympio, as soon as you please, receive this wife of yours from us. (They present CHALINUS to him.)

OLYMPIO: Hand her to me then, if you are going to hand her to me at all to-day. (They hand CHALINUS to him.)

STALINO: (to the FEMALE SERVANTS.) Be off in-doors.

TWO MAID-SERVANTS: Prithee, do deal gently with her who is so young and inexperienced.

STALINO: It shall be so.

Farewell; be off now.

TWO MAID-SERVANTS: Farewell. (They go into the house.)

STALINO: Is my wife now gone?

OLYMPIO: She’s in the house; don’t be afraid.

STALINO: Hurra! Now, faith, I’m free at last. (Addressing himself to CHALINUS as CASINA.) My sweetheart, my spring-flower, my little honey! (Embraces him.)

OLYMPIO: But, hark you! you’ll beware, if you are wise, of some mishap: she’s mine.

STALINO: I know that; but mine’s the first enjoyment.

OLYMPIO: (holding him the torch.) Hold this torch for me.

STALINO: Why, no, I’ll hold her in my arms in preference. All-powerful Venus, a happy existence hast thou given me in giving me the possession of her! A dear little body! a dear little honey! (Hugs CHALINUS, who pretends to struggle.)

OLYMPIO: (shouting aloud.) O my dear little wife! (Jumps about on one leg.)

STALINO: What’s the matter?

OLYMPIO: She has trod upon my toes.

STALINO: (aside.) I’ll compliment her, as it were. A mist is not so soft as is— her breast.

(Pulls CHALINUS about.) A pretty little bosom, upon my faith. (CHALINUS gives him a thrust with his elbow, on which he roars out.) Woe to unfortunate me!

OLYMPIO: What’s the matter?

STALINO: She struck me in the breast with her elbow.

OLYMPIO: Why then, pray, do you maul her about? But she does not do so to me, who touch her gently. (CHALINUS gives him a poke with his elbow.) O me!

STALINO: What’s the matter?

OLYMPIO: Prithee, how robust she is! she has almost laid me flat with her elbow.

STALINO: She wishes, then, to go to bed.

OLYMPIO: Nay but, why don’t we be off?

STALINO: (taking hold of CHALINUS.) My pretty, pretty little dear! (They go into the house of ALCESIMUS.)