Chapter 2

(Ente some FISHERMEN, with lines and nets.)

A FISHERMAN: Persons who are poor live wretchedly in every way, especially those who have no calling and have learned no art. Of necessity must that be deemed enough, whatever they have at home. From our garb, then, you pretty well understand how wealthy we are. These hooks and these rods here are as good to us as a calling and as our clothing.

Each day from the city do we come out hither to the sea to seek for forage. Instead of exertion in the wrestling-school and the place for exercise, we have this: sea-urchins, rock-mussels, oysters, limpets, cockles, sea-nettles, sea-mussels and spotted crabs, we catch. After that, we commence our fishing with the hook and among the rocks, and thus we take our food from out of the sea. If success does not befall us, and not any fish is taken, soaked in salt water and thoroughly drenched, we quietly betake ourselves home, and without dinner go to sleep. And since the sea is now in waves so boisterous, no hopes have we; unless we take some cockles, without a doubt we’ve had our dinners.

Now let’s adore good Venus here, that she may kindly befriend us to-day.

(They advance towards the door of the Temple.)

(Enter TRACHALIO, at a distance, in haste.)

TRACHALIO: (to himself.) I’ve carefully given all attention that I mightn’t pass my master anywhere; for when some time since he went out of the house, he said that he was going to the harbour, and he ordered me to come here to meet him at the Temple of Venus. But see, opportunely do I espy some people standing here of whom I may enquire; I’ll accost them.

(Goes up to the FISHERMEN.) Save you, thieves of the sea, shellfish-gatherers and hook-fishers, hungry race of men, how fare ye? How perish apace?

FISHERMEN of Cyrene: Just as befits a fisherman with hunger, thirst, and expectation.

TRACHALIO: Have you seen to-day, while you’ve been standing here, any young man, of courageous aspect, ruddy, stout, of genteel appearance, come by this way, who was taking with him three men in scarfs, with swords?

FISHERMEN of Cyrene: We know of no one coming this way of that appearance which you mention.

TRACHALIO: Have you seen any old fellow, bald on the forehead and snub-nosed, of big stature, pot-bellied, with eyebrows awry, a narrow forehead, a knave, the scorn of Gods and men, a scoundrel, one full of vile dishonesty and of iniquity, who had along with him two very pretty-looking young women?

FISHERMEN of Cyrene: One who has been born with qualities and endowments of that sort,’twere really fitter for him to resort to the executioner than to the Temple of Venus.

TRACHALIO: But tell me if you have seen him.

FISHERMEN of Cyrene: Really, no one has passed this way. Fare you well.

TRACHALIO: Fare ye well. (Exeunt FISHERMEN.) (to himself.) I thought so; it has come to pass as I suspected;

my master has been deceived; the cursed Procurer has taken himself off to distant lands. He has embarked on board ship, and carried the women away; I’m a wizard. He invited my master here to breakfast, as well, this very spawn of wickedness. Now what is better for me than to wait here in this spot until my master comes? At the same time, if this Priestess of Venus knows anything more, if I see her, I’ll make enquiries; she’ll give me the information.

(Enter AMPELISCA, from the Temple.)

AMPELISCA: (to the PRIESTESS, within.) I understand; here at this cottage (pointing to it), which is close by the Temple of Venus, you’ve requested me to knock and ask for water.

TRACHALIO: Whose voice is it that has flown to my ears?

AMPELISCA: Prithee, who’s speaking here? Who is it that I see?

TRACHALIO: Isn’t this Ampelisca that’s coming out from the Temple?

AMPELISCA: Isn’t this

Trachalio that I see, the servant of Plesidippus?

TRACHALIO: It is she.

AMPELISCA: It is he; Trachalio, health to you.

TRACHALIO: Health, Ampelisca, to you; how fare you?

AMPELISCA: In misery I pass a life not far advanced.

TRACHALIO: Do give some better omen.

AMPELISCA: Still it behoves all prudent persons to confer and talk together. But, prithee, where’s your master, Plesidippus?

TRACHALIO: Marry, well said, indeed; as if he wasn’t within there. (Pointing to the Temple.)

AMPELISCA: By my troth, he isn’t, nor, in fact, has he come here at all.

TRACHALIO: He hasn’t come?

AMPELISCA: You say the truth.

TRACHALIO: That’s not my way, Ampelisca. But how nearly is the breakfast got ready?

AMPELISCA: What breakfast, I beg of you?

TRACHALIO: The sacrifice, I mean, that you are performing here.

AMPELISCA: Prithee, what is it you are dreaming about?

TRACHALIO: For certain, Labrax invited Plesidippus hither to a breakfast, your master, my master.

AMPELISCA: By my troth, you’re telling of no wondrous facts: if he has deceived Gods and men, he has only acted after the fashion of Procurers.

TRACHALIO: Then neither yourselves nor my master are here performing a sacrifice.

AMPELISCA: You are a wizard.

TRACHALIO: What are you doing then?

AMPELISCA: The Priestess of Venus has received here into her abode both myself and Palaestra, after many mishaps and dreadful alarm, and from being in danger of our lives, destitute of aid and of resources.

TRACHALIO: Prithee, is Palaestra here, the beloved of my master?

AMPELISCA: Assuredly.

TRACHALIO: Great joyousness is there in your news, my dear Ampelisca. But I greatly long to know what was this danger of yours.

AMPELISCA: Last night our ship was wrecked, my dear Trachalio.

TRACHALIO: How, ship? What story’s this?

AMPELISCA: Prithee, have you not heard in what way the Procurer intended secretly to carry us away hence to Sicily, and how, whatever there was at home, he placed on board ship? That has all gone to the bottom now.

TRACHALIO: O clever Neptune, hail to thee! Surely, no dicer is more skilful than thyself. Decidedly a right pleasant throw hast thou made; thou didst break a-villain. But where now is the Procurer Labrax?

AMPELISCA: Perished through drinking, I suppose; Neptune last night invited him to deep potations.

TRACHALIO: By my troth, I fancy it was given him to drink by way of cup of necessity. How much I do love you, my dear Ampelisca; how pleasing you are; what honied words you do utter.

But you and Palaestra, in what way were you saved?

AMPELISCA: I’ll let you know. Both in affright, we leapt from the ship into a boat, because we saw that the ship was being borne upon a rock; in haste, I unloosed the rope, while they were in dismay. The storm separated us from them with the boat in a direction to the right. And so, tossed about by winds and waves, in a multitude of ways, we, wretched creatures, during the livelong night half dead, the wind this day has scarce borne us to the shore.

TRACHALIO: I understand; thus is Neptune wont to do; he is a very dainty Aedile; if any wares are bad, over he throws them all.

AMPELISCA: Woe to your head and life!

TRACHALIO: To your own, my dear Ampelisca. I was sure that the Procurer would do that which he has done; I often said so. It were better I should let my hair grow, and set up for a soothsayer.

AMPELISCA: Did you not take care then, you and your master, that he shouldn’t go away, when you knew this?

TRACHALIO: What could he do?

AMPELISCA: If he was in love, do you ask what he could do?

Both night and day he should have kept watch; he should have been always on his guard. But, by my troth, he has done like many others; thus finely has Plesidippus taken care of her.

TRACHALIO: For what reason do you say that?

AMPELISCA: The thing is evident.

TRACHALIO: Don’t you know this? Even he who goes to the bath to bathe, while there he carefully keeps an eye upon his garments, still they are stolen; inasmuch as some one of those that he is watching is a rogue;

the thief easily marks him for whom he’s upon the watch; the keeper knows not which one is the thief. But bring me to her; where is she?

AMPELISCA: Well then, go here into the Temple of Venus; you’ll find her sitting there, and in tears.

TRACHALIO: How disagreable is that to me already. But why is she weeping?

AMPELISCA: I’ll tell you; she’s afflicting herself in mind for this; because the Procurer took away a casket from her which she had, and in which she kept that by which she might be enabled to recognize her parents; she fears that this has been lost.

TRACHALIO: Where was that little casket, pray?

AMPELISCA: There, on board the ship; he himself locked it up in his wallet, that there mightn’t be the means by which she might recognize her parents.

TRACHALIO: O scandalous deed! to require her to be a slave, who ought to be a free woman.

AMPELISCA: Therefore she now laments that it has gone to the bottom along with the ship. There, too, was all the gold and silver of the Procurer.

TRACHALIO: Some one, I trust, has dived and brought it up.

AMPELISCA: For this reason is she sad and disconsolate, that she has met with the loss of them.

TRACHALIO: Then have I the greater occasion to do this, to go in and console her, that she mayn’t thus distress herself in mind.

For I know that many a lucky thing has happened to many a one beyond their hopes.

AMPELISCA: But I know too that hope has deceived many who have hoped.

TRACHALIO: Therefore a patient mind is the best remedy for affliction. I’ll go in, unless you wish for anything. (Goes into the Temple.)

AMPELISCA: Go. (To herself.) I’ll do that which the Priestess requested me, and I’ll ask for some water here at the neighbour’s;

for she said that if I asked for it in her name, they would give it directly. And I do think that I never saw a more worthy old lady, one to whom I should think that it is more befitting for Gods and men to show kindness. How courteously, how heartily, how kindly, how, without the least difficulty, she received us into her home, trembling, in want, drenched, shipwrecked, half dead;

not otherwise, in fact, than if we had been her own offspring. How kindly did she herself, just now, tucking up her garments, make the water warm for us to bathe. Now, that I mayn’t keep her waiting, I’ll fetch some water from the place where she requested me. (Knocking at the door of DAEMONES.) Hallo, there, is there any one in the cottage? is any one going to open this door? Will any one come out?

(Enter SCEPARNIO, from the cottage of DAEMONES.)

SCEPARNIO: Who is it so furiously making an attack upon our door?

AMPELISCA: It’s I.

SCEPARNIO: Well now, what good news is there? (Aside.) Dear me, a lass of comely appearance, i’ troth.

AMPELISCA: Greeting to you, young man.

SCEPARNIO: And many greetings to you, young woman.

AMPELISCA: I’m come to you—

SCEPARNIO: I’ll receive you with a welcome, if you come in the evening, by-and-by, just such as I could like; for just now I’ve no means to receive you, a damsel, thus early in the morning But what have you to say, my smiling, pretty one. (Chucks her under the chin.)

AMPELISCA: Oh, you’re handling me too familiarly. (Moves away.)

SCEPARNIO: O ye immortal Gods! she’s the very image of Venus. What joyousness there is in her eyes, and, only do see, what a skin’tis of the vulture’s tint,—rather, the eagle’s, indeed, I meant to say. Her breasts, too, how beautiful; and then what expression on her lips! (Takes hold of her.)

AMPELISCA: (struggling.) I’m no common commodity for the whole township; can’t you keep your hands off me?

SCEPARNIO: (patting her.) Won’t you let me touch you, gentle one, in this manner, gently and lovingly?

AMPELISCA: When I have leisure, then I’ll be giving my attention to toying and dalliance to please you; for the present, prithee, do either say me Yes or No to the matter for which I was sent hither.

SCEPARNIO: What now is it that you wish?

AMPELISCA: (pointing to her pitcher.) To a shrewd person, my equipment would give indications of what it is I want.

SCEPARNIO: To a shrewd woman, this equipment, too, of mine, would give indication of what it is I want.

AMPELISCA: (pointing to the Temple.) The Priestess there of Venus, requested me to fetch some water from your house here.

SCEPARNIO: But I’m a lordly sort of person; unless you entreat me, you shan’t have a drop. We dug this well with danger to ourselves, and with tools of iron. Not a drop can be got out of me except by means of plenty of blandishments.

AMPELISCA: Prithee, why do you make so much fuss about the water—a thing that even enemy affords to enemy?

SCEPARNIO: Why do you make so much fuss about granting a favour to me, that citizen grants to citizen?

AMPELISCA: On the contrary, my sweet one, I’ll even do everything for you that you wish.

SCEPARNIO: O charming! I am favoured; she’s now calling me her sweet one. The water shall be given you, so that you mayn’t be coaxing me in vain. Give me the pitcher.

AMPELISCA: Take it (gives it to him): make haste and bring it out, there’s a dear.

SCEPARNIO: Stay a moment; I’ll be here this instant, my sweet one. (Goes into the cottage.)

AMPELISCA: What shall I say to the Priestess for having delayed here so long a time? How, even still, in my wretchedness do I tremble, when with my eyes I look upon the sea. (She looks towards the shore.)

But what, to my sorrow, do I see afar upon the shore? My master, the Procurer, and his Sicilian guest. both of whom wretched I supposed to have perished in the deep. Still does thus much more of evil survive for us than we had imagined. But why do I delay to run off into the Temple, and to tell

Palaestra this, that we may take refuge at the altar before this scoundrel of a Procurer can come hither and seize us here? I’ll betake myself away from this spot; for the necessity suddenly arises for me to do so. (Runs into the Temple.)

(Enter SCEPARNIO, from the cottage.)

SCEPARNIO: (to himself.) O ye immortal Gods, I never did imagine that there was so great delight in water; how heartily I did draw this.

The well seemed much less deep than formerly. How entirely without exertion did I draw this up. With all deference to myself, am I not a very silly fellow,in having only to-day made a commencement of being in love? (Turning slowly round, he holds out the pitcher.) Here’s the water for you, my pretty one; here now, I would have you carry it with as much pleasure as I carry it, that you may please me.

(Stares around him.) But where are you, my tit-bit? Do take this water, please; where are you? (Again looks about.) I’ troth, she’s in love with me, as I fancy; the roguish one’s playing bo-peep. Where are you? Are you going now to take this pitcher? Where are you, I say? You’ve carried the joke far enough. Really, do be serious at last. Once more, are you going to take this pitcher? Where in the world are you?

(Looks about.) I’ troth, I don’t see her anywhere, for my part; she’s making fun of me. I’ faith, I shall now set down this pitcher in the middle of the road. But yet, suppose any person should carry away from here this sacred pitcher of Venus, he would be causing me some trouble. I’ faith, I’m afraid that this woman’s laying a trap for me, that I may be caught with the sacred pitcher of Venus. In such case, with very good reason, the magistrate will be letting me die in prison, if any one shall see me holding this. For it’s marked with the name; itself tells its own tale, whose property it is. Troth now, I’ll call that Priestess here out of doors, that she may take this pitcher. I’ll go there to the door. (He knocks.) Hallo there! Ptolemocratia. (Calling aloud.) Take this pitcher of yours, please; some young woman, I don’t know who, brought it here to me. (A pause.) It must then be carried in-doors by me. I’ve found myself a job, if, in fact, of my own accord, water is to be carried by me for these people as well. (Goes into the Temple with the pitcher.)

(Enter LABRAX, dripping wet, followed by CHARMIDES, at a distance, in the same plight.)

LABRAX: (grumbling to himself.) The person that chooses himself to be wretched and a beggar, let him trust himself and his life to Neptune. For if any one has any dealings at all with him, he sends him back home equipped in this guise.

(Surveying himself.) By my troth, Liberty, you were a clever one, who were never willing to put even a foot, I’ faith, on board ship with me.

But (looking round) where’s this guest of mine that has proved my ruin? Oh, see, here he comes.

CHARMIDES: Where the plague are you hurrying to, Labrax? For really I cannot follow you so fast.

LABRAX: I only wish that you had perished by direful tornments in Sicily before I had looked upon you with my eyes, you on whose account this misfortune has befallen me.

CHARMIDES: I only wish that on the day on which you admitted me into your house, I had laid me down in a prison sooner. I pray the immortal Gods, that so long as you live, you may have all your guests just like your own self.

LABRAX: In your person I admitted misfortune into my house. What business had I to listen to a rogue like you, or what to depart hence? Or why to go on board ship, where I have lost even more wealth than I was possessor of?

CHARMIDES: Troth, I’m far from being surprised if your ship has been wrecked, which was carrying yourself, a villain, and your property villanously acquired.

LABRAX: You’ve utterly ruined me with your wheedling speeches.

CHARMIDES: A more accursed dinner of yours have I been dining upon than the ones that were set before Thyestes and Tereus.

LABRAX: I’m dying; I’m sick at heart. Prithee, do hold up my head.

CHARMIDES: By my troth, I could very much wish that you would vomit up your lungs.

LABRAX: Alas! Palaestra and Ampelisca, where are you now?

CHARMIDES: Supplying food for the fishes at the bottom, I suppose.

LABRAX: You have brought beggary upon me by your means, while I was listening to your bragging lies.

CHARMIDES: You have reason deservedly to give me many hearty thanks, who from an insipid morsel by my agency have made you salt.

LABRAX: Nay, but do you get out from me to extreme and utter perdition.

CHARMIDES: You be off; I was just going to do that very thing.

LABRAX: Alas! what mortal being is there living more wretched than I?

CHARMIDES: I am by very far much more wretched, Labrax, than yourself.

LABRAX: How so?

CHARMIDES: Because I am not deserving of it, whereas you are deserving.

LABRAX: O bulrush, bulrush, I do praise your lot, who always maintain your credit for dryness.

CHARMIDES: (his teeth chattering.) For my part, I’m exercising myself for a skirmishing fight, for, from my shivering, I utter all my words in piecemeal flashes.

LABRAX: By my troth, Neptune, you are a purveyor of chilly baths; since I got away from you with my clothes, I’ve been freezing.

No hot liquor-shop at all for sure does he provide;

so salt and cold the potions that he prepares.

CHARMIDES: How lucky are the blacksmiths who are always sitting among hot coals; they are always warm.

LABRAX: I only wish that I were now enjoying the lot of the duck, so as, although I had just come from out of the water, still to be dry.

CHARMIDES: What if I some way or other let myself out at the games for a hobgoblin?

LABRAX: For what reason?

CHARMIDES: Because, I’ faith, I’m chattering aloud with my teeth.

But I’m of opinion that, with very good reason, I’ve had this ducking.

LABRAX: How so?

CHARMIDES: Why, haven’t I ventured to go on board ship with yourself, who have been stirring up the ocean for me from the very bottom?

LABRAX: I listened to you when advising me; you assured me that there in Sicily was very great profit from courtesans; there, you used to say, I should be able to amass wealth.

CHARMIDES: Did you expect, then, you unclean beast, that you were going to gobble up the whole island of Sicily?

LABRAX: What whale, I wonder, has gobbled up my wallet where all my gold and silver was packed up?

CHARMIDES: That same one, I suppose, that has swallowed my purse, which was full of silver in my travelling-bag.

LABRAX: Alas! I’m reduced even to this one poor tunic (stretching it out)

and to this poor shabby cloak; I’m done for to all intents.

CHARMIDES: Then you may even go into partnership with me; we have got equal shares.

LABRAX: If at least my damsels had been saved, there would have been some hope. Now, if the young man Plesidippus should be seeing me, from whom I received the earnest for Palaestra, he’ll then be causing me some trouble in consequence. (He begins to cry.)

CHARMIDES: Why cry, you fool? Really, by my troth, so long as your tongue shall exist, you have abundance with which to make payment to everybody.

(Enter SCEPARNIO, from the Temple.)

SCEPARNIO: (to himself, aloud.) What to-do is this, I’d like to know, that two young women here in the Temple, in tears, are holding in their embrace the statue of Venus, dreading I know not what in their wretchedness? But they say that this last night they have been tossed about, and to-day cast on shore from the waves.

LABRAX: (overhearing.) Troth now, young man, prithee, where are these young women that you are talking of?

SCEPARNIO: Here (pointing) in the Temple of Venus.

LABRAX: How many are there?

SCEPARNIO: Just as many as you and I make.

LABRAX: Surely, they are mine.

SCEPARNIO: Surely, I know nothing about that.

LABRAX: Of what appearance are they?

SCEPARNIO: Good-looking; I could even fall in love with either of them, if I were well liquored.

LABRAX: Surely, they are the damsels.

SCEPARNIO: Surely, you are a nuisance; be off, go in and see, if you like.

LABRAX: These must be my wenches in here, my dear Charmides.

CHARMIDES: Jupiter confound you, both if they are and still if they are not.

LABRAX: I’ll straightway burst into this Temple of Venus here.

CHARMIDES: Into the bottomless pit, I would rather. (LABRAX rushes into the Temple, and shuts the door.) Prithee, stranger, show me some spot where I may go to sleep.

SCEPARNIO: Go to sleep there, wherever you please (points to the ground); no one hinders, it’s free to the public.

CHARMIDES: (pointing to his clothes.) But do you see me, in what wet clothes I’m dressed? Do take me under shelter; lend me some dry clothes, while my own are drying; on some occasion I’ll return you the favour.

SCEPARNIO: See, here’s my outer coat, which alone is dry; that, if you like, I’ll lend you. (Takes it off and holds it out to him.) In that same I’m wont to be clothed, by that same protected, when it rains. Do you give me those clothes of yours; I’ll soon have them dried.

CHARMIDES: How now, are you afraid that, as I’ve been washed bare last night at sea, I mayn’t be made bare again here upon shore?

SCEPARNIO: Wash you bare, or anoint you well, I don’t care one fig. I shall never entrust anything to you unless upon a pledge being taken. Do you either sweat away or perish with cold, be you either sick or well. I’ll put up with no stranger-guest in my house; I’ve had disagreements enough. (Puts on his coat again, and goes into the house of DAEMONES.)

CHARMIDES: What, are you off? (A pause.) He’s a trafficker in slaves for money; whoever he is, he has no bowels of compassion. But why in my wretchedness am I standing here, soaking? Why don’t I rather go away from here into the Temple of Venus, that I may sleep off this debauch which I got with drinking last night against the bent of my inclination? Neptune has been drenching us with salt water as though we were Greek wines, and so he hoped that our stomachs might be vomited up with his salt draughts.

What need of words? If he had persisted in inviting us a little longer, we should have gone fast asleep there; as it is, hardly alive has he sent us off home. Now I’ll go see the Procurer, my boon companion, what he’s doing within. (Goes into the Temple.)