Asinus

I once made a journey to Thessaly, having a matter of business connected with my paternal estate to arrange there with a man of that country. A horse carried me and my luggage, and a single servant accompanied me. We followed the usual road, and fell in with other travellers who happened to be going to Hypata, a town in Thessaly in which they lived. We joined company, made our provisions common stock, and in this way achieved that laborious journey. When we were approaching the town I asked the Thessalians whether they knew a resident of Hypata named Hipparchos, for I had a letter of introduction to him from home and expected to lodge with him. They said they did, and told me what part of the town he lived in, and that, although he had plenty of money, his household consisted solely of one maid-servant and his wife. "For," said they, "he is a terrible miser." When we had come very near the town we saw a garden with a tolerable cottage in it, and this was where Hipparchos dwelt.

So the others made their adieux and rode on, and I went up to the door and knocked. After a good deal of difficulty and delay the woman managed to hear me, and finally came to the door. I asked whether Hipparchos was at home. "He is," said she; "but who are you and what do you want to see him for?" "I am the bearer of a letter from Dekrianos, the sophist of Patrai.” "Wait here," said she, and, closing the door, she went away. After a while she came back and bade us enter. Accordingly, I went into the house, saluted the master, and presented my letter. It happened that he was just beginning his dinner, reclining on a narrow couch. His wife sat near him, and a table stood before them with nothing on it as yet. As soon as he had cast his eye over the letter he said: "Dekrianos is my dearest friend and the noblest Greek of them all. I take it kindly of him that he sends his own comrades to me with confidence. You see my cottage, Loukios; it is small, but it is just the right size to hold the owner; and you will transform it into a great house, if you will live in it and put up with it."

Then he called the maid-servant. "Palaistra, show the gentleman to a bed-chamber, and bring him thither what luggage he has. And then direct him to the bath: he has come a long journey."

At these words the girl Palaistra led the way and showed a very pretty little sleeping-room. "That is your bed," said she; "and for your servant I will set a couch alongside and put a pillow on it."

When she had thus spoken we went off to bathe, and I gave the girl money to buy a little barley for my horse. She carried in all my belongings and deposited them in my room. When we had bathed and come back to the house we presented ourselves immediately, and Hipparchos, shaking hands with me, bade me recline beside him. The dinner was not too frugal, and the wine was pleasant and old. After dinner we sat talking over our wine-the usual way of entertaining a guest. That whole evening we spent in drinking, and so to bed. Next day Hipparchos asked me whither I purposed going next, or whether I was going to stay there all the time. "I am going on to Larissa," said I, "but probably I shall spend four or five days here."

This, however, was a subterfuge. I had the greatest desire to remain there and search out one of the women versed in sorcery, and see some of their marvellous exhibitions—a human being with wings, or turned into stone; and I surrendered myself to my passion for such a sight, and strolled about the town with no idea how to begin the search, but strolling nevertheless. While I was thus employed I saw a woman approaching, young still and well to do, as far as I could judge from a casual meeting. She was dressed in bright stuffs, had a number of attendants, and displayed an extravagance of gold. When I came nearer, the lady greeted me and I returned the salutation.

"My name is Abroia," she said. “You may have heard your mother speak of me as a friend. You, her children, are as dear to me as my own. Why, then, my child, do you not come to me as my guest?"

"Thank you very much," said I, "but I should be ashamed to desert a friendly man's house when I have no fault to find with him. But as far as my inclination is concerned, dear madam, I would lodge with you." "Where do you lodge, then?" she asked. "With Hipparchos." "The miser?" cried she. "Don't call him that, madam," said I. "He has entertained me brilliantly and generously. Actually, you might accuse him of extravagance." But the lady smiled, and, taking me by the hand, led me apart and said to me: "Pray, be on your guard in every way against Hipparchos's wife, for she is a powerful sorceress. She casts a longing eye on all young men, and if one of them rejects her advances she revenges herself on him by her arts. Many a one has she turned into an animal, and many a one destroyed outright. You, my child, are handsome as well as young, so that you find favor with women at once; and you are a stranger, so that there is no danger in dealing with you."

When I heard that what I had been seeking so long was living in the same house with me, I paid no more heed to the lady. As soon as I could take my leave I made off homeward, saying to myself as I went: "Come, now, you who say you are eager to see this wonderful sight, wake up and invent some sage plan to come at what you want. Practise on Palaistra, the maidservant-for the wife of your host and friend is sacred; wrestling with her, I assure you, you will easily learn what you want, for servants know everything about their masters, good and bad." Talking thus with myself, I entered the house. I did not find Hipparchos at home or his wife either; but Palaistra was sitting by the fire preparing the dinner, and I opened my discourse forthwith.

"Lovely Palaistra,” said I, “how gracefully you turn and sway your body and the kettle at the same time! My marrow melts at the sight. He is a lucky man who dips his finger in that dish." The girl was of a very lively humor and full of charming ways. "Fly, young man,” said she, “if you are in your senses and want to live. I am made of fire and smoke. If you should but touch me you will sit here covered with blisters, burned through by me. No doctor will heal you, not even a god, save only me who burned you. Strangest of all, I will make you suffer the more, and you will cherish the painful cure and cling to it, and you would be stoned rather than escape from your pleasant pain. Why do you laugh? You see before you a scientific cook of men. These trumpery eatables are not the only things I can prepare; no, I know well how to butcher and flay and carve that great and noble viand, man. My dearest pleasure is to lay hold of his very vitals and heart." "You are perfectly right," I said; "for even while I was at a distance, before I had come near you, you not only burned me, by Heavens! but set me all in a blaze. Through my eyes you flung your invisible fire into my vitals and are roasting me, though I never did you any harm. So, heal me, in the name of goodness, with those bittersweet remedies you speak of yourself. I am butchered already; take me and flay me as you will."

At this she burst into a peal of sweet laughter, and after that she was a complete conquest.

I said to her one day, "My dear, get me sight of your mistress practising her mysteries or changing her shape. For a long time I have been eager to see this curious thing. Or, better still, if you know anything of the black art, exhibit it yourself, and show yourself to me in some other form than your own. I have a notion that you are not altogether ignorant of this science, and I know it from my own heart, not from hearsay; for I used to be adamantine, the women said, and I never cast these eyes tenderly on any girl before; but you laid hold of me by your arts and led me off, after our loving contest, as the captive of your spear." "Stop making fun of me," said Palaistra. "What incantation could charm Love, since he is lord of all sorcery? No, sweetheart; I swear by your head that I know nothing whatever of these things. I have never learned so much as my letters, and my mistress is very jealous of her art. But if I should have a chance, I will try to show her to you in the act of changing her shape."

A few days later Palaistra informed me that her mistress was intending to put on the guise of a bird and fly off to her lover. "Now is your time, Palaistra," said I, "to do me a kindness; for it is in your power to satisfy the long-cherished desire of your suppliant." "Never fear," said she. And when it was evening she came for me, and brought me to the door of the chamber in which her master and mistress slept, and bade me stand by a narrow chink in the door and watch what was going on within. Well, I saw the lady stripping off her clothes. When she was naked she advanced to the lamp, took two grains of incense and cast them on the flame, and, standing still, addressed a long speech to it. Then she opened a strong little chest with a great many boxes in it, lifted one of them and took it out. I do not know the nature of the contents, but from its appearance I judged it was oil. From this box she anointed herself completely, beginning with her finger-nails, and suddenly feathers sprang out on her, her nose grew horny and curved, and she displayed all the other properties and traits of a bird. She was nothing else than a night-hawk. When she was completely feathered she gave a harsh cry like a hawk's, stood up, and took her flight out of the window.

I thought I must be dreaming such a sight as this, and rubbed my eyelids with my fingers, not believing that I had seen with my own waking eyes. When I had at length with difficulty convinced myself that I was not asleep, I forthwith begged Palaistra to anoint me, too, with that drug, and feather me and let me fly; for I wanted to learn by experiment whether if my human shape was altered I should have the mind, too, of a bird. She stealthily opened the bedroom door and brought the box. I had already made haste to strip, and I anointed myself from head to toe. But alas, alack! I did not become a bird! No; a tail grew out on me behind, my fingers and toes disappeared somehow, my nails reduced themselves to four and were nothing more nor less than hoofs, my hands and feet became the feet of a beast of burden, my ears grew long, and my face enormous. When I surveyed myself all over I saw that I was an ass, but I had no human voice left wherewith to blame Palaistra. However, I stretched out my lower lip, and by my shape itself and by my sidelong asinine glance I reproached her as well as I could for having made me an ass instead of a bird.

She smote her face with both hands. "Wretched girl that I am," she cried, "what a dreadful thing I have done! In my hurry I blundered, because the boxes were so alike, and brought the wrong one, not the one that makes feathers grow. But cheer up, do, sweetheart! There is a very easy cure for this. You have only to eat some roses, and the beast will immediately fall from you and you will give me back my lover. Only stay this one night, dear, in the ass, and at daybreak I will run and fetch you some roses, and you will eat them and be cured." While she spoke thus she stroked my ears and the rest of my hide.

I was an ass in all other respects, but I had the heart and mind of a man -the same Loukios, but not his voice. Well, heaping silent reproaches on Palaistra for her mistake, and chewing my lip, I went off to where I knew my horse was stabled, together with another ass, a real one, belonging to Hipparchos. When they saw me coming in to join them they feared that I was going to share their feed, so they put back their ears and made ready to defend their bellies with their heels. I grasped the situation, and taking my stand at a distance from the manger, burst into a laugh, but my laugh was a bray. Then I said to myself: "Confound my untimely curiosity! What if a wolf should come in, too, or some other wild beast! The chances are that I shall be killed, though I have done nothing wrong." But though I reflected thus, I had no idea, poor devil! of the evil that awaited me.

When the night was already far advanced, with its great silence and sweet sleep, there was a noise from without as though the wall were being broken through, and so it was. There was a hole already large enough to admit a man, and one man after another made his way through it promptly until a number were inside, swords in hand. Then they tied up Hipparchos and Palaistra and my man in their rooms, and so stripped the house fearlessly, carrying out the money and the clothes and the furniture. When there was nothing more left in it, they took me and the other ass and the horse, saddled us, and strapped all they had stolen onto us. Laden with these heavy loads, they drove us up the mountain by an untrodden road, beating us with clubs, and bent on escaping. I am not able to describe the feelings of the other beasts, but I, for my part-barefoot, inexperienced, treading on sharp stones, and bearing so much stuff-was ready to die. Every now and then I stumbled, but I was not at liberty to fall down, for some one from behind would instantly give me a blow across the haunches with a club; and when I frequently longed to cry, "O Caesar!" I could do nothing but bray. I could bring out the "O" full and loud, but the "Caesar" would not follow. And even for this they clubbed me, because they thought my braying would betray them. So, when I found that my cries were in vain, I resolved to go on in silence, with the gain, at least, of not being beaten.

After this day came, and we had already climbed many mountains. They muzzled us so that we might not browse along the road for our breakfasts and thus be caught; so for that day, too, I remained an ass. At high noon we halted at a sort of farm-house belonging to people who were friends of the robbers, to judge from what happened, for they greeted each other with kisses, and the owners of the house bade the others halt, and set breakfast before them and gave us animals barley. The others breakfasted, but I fasted in misery. Since I had never at that time breakfasted on raw barley, I looked around to see what I could eat. I saw a garden there behind the court-yard, full of fine vegetables, and above these I saw roses. In the house they were all occupied with their breakfast, and I managed to give them the slip and get to the garden, partly to eat my fill of raw vegetables, and partly for the sake of the roses, for I calculated that if I ate those flowers I should certainly become a man again. When I had made my way into the garden I stuffed myself with lettuces, and radishes, and parsley, such vegetables as men are wont to eat raw; but those roses were not real ones, they were such as grow on the wild laurel. The plant is called rose-laurel, and it makes a poor breakfast for any ass or horse, for it is said that if they eat it they die on the spot.

In the mean time the gardener perceived me, snatched up a club, and ran into the garden. When he saw the enemy, the destroyer of his vegetables, he seized me as a severe master seizes a thieving slave and pounded me with his club, sparing neither ribs nor thighs. He even crushed my ears and mangled my face. When I could stand it no longer I kicked with both feet, knocked him on his back on top of the vegetables, and ran for the mountain. Seeing me making off at a run he shouted that they were to loose the dogs on my trail. The dogs were numerous and large enough to fight with bears, and I knew that if they caught me they would tear me to pieces. So after I had made a short detour I decided that the proverb is right, "better run back than into trouble," and accordingly I started back and made my way to the farm again. They captured the dogs who had been chasing me, and tied them up, but me they beat and did not stop until in my agony I had cast up all the vegetables.

When it was time to take to the road again they also heaped most of the booty and the heaviest on me, and this having been arranged we set out. I was soon exhausted, what with my beating and with carrying my load, and my hoofs were crushed by the road. At this point I made up my mind. to fall down where I was and never get up again, though they beat me to death, for I hoped great gain from this if my plan should work. My idea was that they would give up in despair, divide my load between the horse and the mule, and leave me to lie there for the wolves. But some jealous divinity perceived my plans and made them work just the other way. For the other ass followed the same train of thought as mine and fell down in the road. First they took to beating the poor wretch, bidding him get up; but as he did not respond at all to the blows, some of them took hold of his ears and some of his tail and tried to rouse him. When they were unsuccessful in this, and he lay like a stone in the road, utterly worn out, they argued among themselves that their efforts were useless, and that they were wasting their time for escape sitting by a dead ass; so they took all the gear he had been carrying and divided it between me and the horse. As for the wretched partner of my captivity and burdens, they laid hold of him, cut the sinews of his legs with a sword, and thrust him still quivering over the precipice, and down he went, dancing the death-dance.

When I saw in the case of my fellow-traveller the outcome of the plans I had formed I made up my mind to bear my present plight bravely and plod on with spirit, for I was in hopes that I might chance on my roses at any turn, and by their means be restored to myself. And I heard the robbers saying our journey was almost done, and that they would stay at their next haltingplace. Accordingly, we carried all that burden at a quick pace, and before evening we came to their house. An old woman was sitting inside, where a great fire was burning. The robbers took all the things we had been carrying and set them inside. Then they asked the old woman, “Why in Heaven's name are you sitting like this instead of getting our supper ready?" "Why, everything is ready for you," said the hag. "Plenty of bread, jars of old wine, and some game that I have cooked for you.” Then they fell to praising her, and, taking off their clothes, anointed themselves before the fire. There was a jar in the house full of warm water, from which they drew and poured over themselves, thus taking a hasty bath.

A little later a number of young men arrived, bringing as much gold and silver and clothing as they could carry, and a great deal of jewelry, women's and men's. These were accomplices of the others, and when they had bestowed their booty within they, too, bathed in the same manner. After this they had a bountiful supper, and there was a great deal of conversation among the cutthroats over their wine. The old woman put barley before me and the horse, and he set to and gulped it down in a hurry, fearing, probably, that I would share it. But for my part, whenever I saw the old woman go off I devoured the masters' bread. The next day one young man was left behind with the old woman, and all the others went off on professional business. I bewailed my fate and this strict guard, for I could despise the old woman and run away under her very eyes, but the young man was tall, and had a dangerous look, moreover, and he always carried a sword and fastened the door every time he went out.

Three days after this, almost at midnight, the robbers came back, bringing no gold or silver or anything else except a very beautiful young girl. She was in tears, and her clothes were torn and her hair dishevelled. They deposited her in the house on the mattresses, bade her cheer up, and told the old woman to stay inside all the time, and keep watch over her. The girl would neither eat nor drink; she did nothing but weep and tear her hair, so that I myself, standing near by at the manger, wept in sympathy with the beautiful maiden. In the mean time the robbers were supping in the vestibule. Towards morning one of the spies, who had been chosen by lot to watch the roads, came and reported that a stranger was going to pass that way carrying a great deal of treasure. The robbers rose up just as they were, armed themselves, saddled both me and the horse, and drove us off. I, poor wretch, knew that we were marching out to battle and murder, and I advanced reluctantly, whereupon they beat me with a stick to urge me on. When we came to the road by which the stranger was to drive, the robbers fell upon his carriages with one accord, killed his servants, selected the most valuable articles, and placed them on the horse and me, and hid the rest of the things there in the wood.

Then they drove us homeward thus laden, and I, being urged on and beaten with a stick, struck my foot on a sharp stone, and received a painful wound from the blow, which made me limp as I paced the rest of the journey. The robbers said. to each other, "Why do we keep this ass who stumbles on everything? Let us throw him over the precipice, he brings us bad luck." "Yes," said another, "let us throw him over to be a scapegoat for the gang." And they formed to attack me. But I, hearing their talk, walked the rest of the way on my wounded foot as though it belonged to somebody else, for the fear of death made me insensible to the pain of it.

When we came to our abiding place they took the booty from our shoulders and put it carefully away. Then they fell to and dined, and when night came they went off to secure the rest of the things. "Why do we take this wretched ass?" said one of them. "He is useless with his wounded hoof. We will carry some of the things and the horse the rest." So they went off, leading the horse. It was a bright moonlit night. Then I said to myself: "You poor wretch, why do you stay here any longer? Vultures and the children of vultures will dine off you. Don't you hear what they are plotting against you? Do you want to be thrown over a precipice? It is night now and there is a bright moon. The robbers are off on the road. Fly, and save yourself from these cutthroat masters." While I was thus thinking to myself I perceived that I was not even tied to anything, but that the halter by which they led me on the road was hanging alongside. This added circumstance spurred me to the greatest eagerness for flight, and I emerged at a run and was making off; but when the old woman saw me on the point of escaping she seized me by the tail and held on. However, I said to myself that if I were caught by an old woman I should deserve the precipice and any other death, and I dragged her. But she shrieked with all her might to the captive maiden to come out. She ran forward, and when she saw the old woman hanging on to the ass like a second Dirke she found courage for a brave deed and worthy of desperate youth. She sprang onto my back, seated herself there, and urged me on. I, fired with love of freedom and the girl, fled with all my might and ran like a horse, leaving the old woman behind. The girl prayed to the gods to grant her a safe escape, and to me she said: "If you bring me to my father, my pretty ass, I will free you from all labor, and you shall have a bushel of barley every day for breakfast." I ran on, quite forgetting my wound in my eagerness to escape my murderers, and the hope of getting plenty of assistance and attention if I should save the maiden.

But when we came to where the road split into three the enemy met us on their homeward way. They recognized their unhappy prisoners in the moonlight while we were still at a distance, ran up to us, and laid hold of me, saying: "Oho, my fine madam, where are you going at this unseasonable hour, you poor, suffering thing? Aren't you even afraid of ghosts? Come home with us and we will hand you over to your friends." This they said with a sardonic laugh, and they turned me about and dragged me back. Then I remembered my lame foot and fell to limping. "What," said they, "are you lame now because you were caught running away? When your mind was set on flight you were sound and flew on wings, swifter than a horse." These words were followed by the stick, and I got a wound on my thigh at once as a warning. When we turned into our lodging again we found the old woman hanging from a stone by a cord. Apparently she had been so afraid of her masters when they should discover the girl's flight that she had hanged herself. They spoke admiringly of her courage, cut her down, and threw her over the precipice with the cord round her neck. The girl they tied up inside the house, and then they supped and drank heavily.

Meanwhile they began at once to talk with each other about the girl.

"What shall we do with the runaway?" asked one of them. "There is nothing to do," said another, "but throw her down on top of our old woman. She has robbed us of as much treasure as she could, and was on her way to betray our whole establishment. For be assured, my friends, that if she had reached her kinsmen not one of us would have been left alive, for our enemies would have fallen on us with every preparation and captured us all. So let us take our revenge on the foe, but not by giving her such an easy death as falling onto the rock. Let us invent for her the most painful and lingering death, and one that will only kill her after keeping her a prisoner in long torment." Then they set themselves to think out a form of death, and some one said, “I know you will applaud my invention. We must kill the ass who is a nuisance, and, moreover, pretends at present to be lame, and helped and ministered to the girl's flight into the bargain. Let us slaughter him, then, early in the morning, cut open his belly, take out all his vitals, and place this virtuous maiden in the ass. We will let her head project so that she may not be stifled at once, but all the rest of her body shall be hidden inside. Then we will stitch her securely in and throw them both out to the vultures, preparing them a novel breakfast. Note, my friends, the horror of the torture: in the first place, to live in the dead body of an ass, then to bake with the beast in the hottest sun of summer, and to die of lingering starvation, unable even to strangle herself. And, finally, the vultures will make their way in through the ass, and tear her flesh along with his while she is yet alive."

A general shout of applause greeted this monstrous idea as though it were something delightful; but I bewailed my lot. I was destined to be slaughtered, and not even after death to lie a peaceful corpse, but to serve as the tomb of an unhappy and innocent girl. But before day had fairly come a crowd of soldiers suddenly appeared who had come to attack these villians, and they forthwith clapped them all in irons and carried them off to the governor of the country. And it happened that the girl's fiancé came with them, for it was he that had given information as to the whereabouts of the robbers' headquarters. So he took charge of the girl, set her on my back, and led her thus to her home. When the villagers caught sight of us still at a distance they knew the expedition was successful, for I brayed the good tidings to them, and they ran to meet us, embraced us, and led us in. The young girl had a great deal to say about me, doing justice to her partner in captivity, in flight, and in the danger of that common death. And by my mistress's orders a breakfast was set before me, consisting of a bushel of barley and hay enough for a camel. But it was then most of all that I cursed Palaistra for having changed me into an ass by her art and not into a dog, for I saw the dogs sneaking into the kitchen and gorging themselves with plenty of food, such as is served at the wedding-banquet of a wealthy pair. A few days after the marriage my mistress declared in her father's presence that she was indebted to me, and longed to make me a just return; whereupon he gave orders to turn me out to grass in the pasture with the mares. "For if he is at liberty," said he, "he will enjoy life." And this recompense would have seemed perfectly just if the matter had come before an ass as judge. So he called one of the grooms and handed me over to him, and I was delighted at the prospect of doing no more work. When we arrived at the farm the herdsman put me with the mares, and led the drove of us into the pasture.

But even here it was fated that I should have the same experience as Kandaules; for the man in charge of the mares left me in the possession of his wife, Megapole, for domestic service, and she harnessed me in the mill, and made me grind wheat and barley at her bidding. It is true that it was no great evil to a grateful ass to turn a mill for his own masters, but the worthy woman hired out my wretched neck to the other peasants of the district, who were numerous, taking her pay in flour. And she would also roast the barley allowed me for my breakfast, put it before me for me to grind, make cakes of it, and eat them whole, leaving me to breakfast on the bran. So I grew thin and ugly in a short time, for I had no.comfort in-doors at the mill, nor out-of-doors in the pasture, because my fellow-grazers fought with me.

Moreover, I was often sent up into the mountain to fetch wood on my shoulders, and this was the crown of my sorrows. In the first place, there was a high mountain to be climbed by a terribly straight road, and in the second place, I was barefoot on a steep and stony path. Besides this they sent with me as driver a wretch of a small boy, who found a new way to torture me every time. First he used to flog me even when I was trotting faster than I should, and not with a trimmed stick, but one covered with sharp knots. He always used to strike the same spot on my haunch, so that he opened a wound there with his club, and he always aimed at the sore place. His next idea was to lay a burden on me that would have been too heavy for an elephant. The descent from the mountain was steep, but even there he used to flog me. And if he saw that my load had slipped and was hanging to one side, so that some of the sticks ought to be taken off and added to the lighter side to make it balance, he would by no means proceed in this way. No; he would lift great stones from the mountainside and put them on the side of my fardel that was lighter and slipping up, and I would go on, poor wretch, carrying in addition to the wood an equal weight of useless stones. Moreover, there was a stream that crossed the road and was never dry, and the boy, to save wetting his shoes, used to perch on my back behind the wood, and thus cross the river.

If ever I fell down, worn out with carrying my load, that would be the occasion of unendurable suffering. He who ought to have dismounted and given me the assistance of his hand by raising me from the earth, and, if need were, taking off my load, would neither get down nor lift a finger to help me, but from his seat he would batter me with his stick, beginning at my head and ears, until the blows aroused me. And he played an even more intolerable trick on me than this. He collected a fagot of the sharpest thorns, tied them with a cord, and hung them behind on my tail. As may be imagined, they dangled and fell forward against me as I descended the mountain and pricked my hind-quarters till they were covered with wounds. I was helpless to protect myself, for the source of my pain followed me at each step, hanging from my own body. If I advanced gingerly to avoid the thorns I was halfkilled with the club; if I shunned the club then that horror at my back attacked me sharply. In fact, my driver's one object in life was to kill me.

Once, when I could no longer bear my many cruel sufferings, I let out at him with my heels, and he never forgot that kick. He was ordered one day to carry some tow from one village to another, so he took me, collected a mass of tow, tied it on my back, and made it fast with an additional and painful strap, brewing a fearful plot against me as he adjusted the load. When it was time to start he stole an ember still hot from the hearth, and when we were at some distance from the house he hid it in the tow. The tow immediately burst into flame-for what else would it do?—and my load was nothing but a huge conflagration. I saw that I should be roasted in an instant, and, coming upon a deep mud-hole in the road, I flung myself into the wettest part of it. There I rolled the tow, and twisted and turned myself until I had sprinkled that hot and painful burden with mud. Then I made the rest of the journey with more safety, for the boy could not set me on fire any more because the tow was mixed with mud. And when he arrived he had the impudence to tell this lie about me: that I had plunged into the fireplace of my own accord as I was passing it. Well, that time I survived the tow, though I did not expect to;

but the villain of a boy invented something much worse than this for me. He took me up the mountain and put a great load of wood on me, but this he sold to a neighboring farmer, and drove me home with no load and no wood, and accused me falsely to his master. "I don't see the good, sir," said he, "of supporting this ass, for he is terribly lazy and slow."

When the master heard this he said, "Well, if he is willing neither to walk nor to carry a load, kill him and give his vitals to the dogs, but save his flesh for the work-people, and if any questions are asked as to the manner of his death lay it to the wolf." The rascally boy, my driver, was charmed, and was for killing me at once, but in the dead of night a messenger came from the village to the farm, saying that the bride, the one who was stolen by the robbers, had been walking with her bridegroom late in the evening on the sea-shore, when suddenly the sea rose, caught them, and carried them out of sight, and that this was the end of their happiness and their agony. This news, that the house was bereft of its young master and mistress, determined the farm-people to live in slavery no longer. They laid their hands on everything in the house and fled. The master of the horses took me, too, collected all the goods he could, and packed them on me and the mares. I was put out at having to carry the load of a real ass, but I was glad to accept this trial in place of the knife. We travelled all night over a painful road, and in three days more we finished our journey and came to Beroia, a large and populous town in Macedonia.

There our drivers determined to settle us and themselves, and we beasts were sold at auction by a loud-voiced crier in the middle of the market-place. The by-standers wished to open our mouths and look at them, and they saw the age of each by his teeth. They bought the others one by one, but I was left last of all, and the auctioneer bade them take me home again. "See," he said, "this fellow only has found no master."

But fickle Nemesis who whirls our fortunes constantly about brought a master even to me, such as I should not have prayed for. He was an old rascal of the sort who carry the Syrian goddess around among the villages and farms, and make her beg. This man bought me at the handsome price of six dollars!

When we arrived at Philebos's lodging—for this was my purchaser's name he shouted in a loud voice, just before the door, "Little girls, I have bought you a slave, a handsome, stout Cappadocian." These "little girls" were a crowd of abandoned men, coadjutors of Philebos, and they all applauded in answer to his shout, for they thought he had really made a human purchase.

But when they saw his slave was an ass they jeered Philebos and burst out laughing. The next day they got ready for work, as they expressed it, prepared the goddess, and set her on my back. Then we marched out of the city and tramped about the country. Whenever we came into a village, I, the bearer of the goddess, halted, the crowd of flute players blew a frenzied strain, and the others, tearing off their Oriental head-dresses, bending their heads and twisting their necks, would cut their arms with their swords, and each thrusting his tongue outside his teeth, would cut that, too, so that in a moment they would be covered with fresh blood. When I saw these doings I at first stood trembling lest the goddess might sometime have need of asses' blood, too. But after they had mutilated themselves in this way they collected coppers and small silver coins from the surrounding spectators. Some one might add figs and cheese and a jar of wine, or a bushel of wheat or barley for the ass. By these means the company provided for their own maintenance and the service of the goddess whom I carried.

Towards evening one day we halted at the farm of a rich man. The master was at home, received the goddess in his house with much pleasure, and offered sacrifices to her. I am still mindful of the terrible danger I was in at that house, for the proprietor had received as a present from one of his friends a haunch of wild ass. The cook took possession of it to dress it, but by his carelessness it was lost, for a crowd of dogs contrived to steal in where it was. The man was so terrified at the storm of blows and the torture he would get for the loss of the haunch that he determined to hang himself by the neck. But his wife, who was my heavy curse, said, "Nay, dearest, don't take your own life or give way to such despair. Be guided by me and all will go well. Take these rascals' ass out to a lonely spot, then kill him, cut off this quarter, the haunch, bring it here, dress it and serve it to your master, throwing the rest of the creature down some precipice. They will think he has run away somewhere and got lost. You see how fat he is, and how much better in every way than that wild one."

The cook praised the woman's idea. A happy thought, wife," said he. “It is my only way to escape a flogging, and it shall be done immediately." Thus did the wretch who was to be my cook plot with his wife, standing in my presence.

But when I saw what was going to happen, I made a strong resolve to save myself from the knife; so, breaking the halter they led me by, I leaped out and entered at a run the room where the rascals were seated at table with the proprietor of the farm. Running in thither, I pranced about and overturned everything, lamp and tables together. I thought I had invented in this a clever means of safety, and that the proprietor would forthwith order me to be locked up where I could be guarded safely as an unruly ass. But this piece of cleverness brought me into the extremest danger. They thought I was mad, armed themselves with plenty of swords and lances and thick sticks, and got ready to kill me. When I saw what great peril I was in, I ran past them into the room where my masters were to sleep, and, seeing this, they closed the doors carefully from the outside.

As soon as day dawned I received the goddess on my back again, and set out in company with the begging priests, and we came to another village, large and populous, where they announced something even more striking than usual in the way of hocus-pocus-namely, that the goddess would not stay in the house of a man, but would occupy the temple of the most highly honored local goddess they had. The people received the foreign goddess very gladly, and lodged her with their own. To us they assigned lodgings with a poor family. When my masters had made a long stay here they desired to go on to the neighboring city, and asked their goddess back from the villagers. They entered the sacred precincts themselves, brought her away, set her on my back, and drove me off. But, as luck would have it, the profane wretches had used the occasion of entering this temple to steal a votive vessel of gold, which they carried off hidden under the goddess. As soon as the villagers discovered what had happened they gave chase; when they came near they leaped down from their horses, arrested them in the road, accused them of sacrilege and temple-robbing, and demanded the stolen offering. Searching everywhere they found it in the lap of the goddess. So they bound the wretches, led them back, and cast them into prison. The goddess whom I carried they took and placed in another temple, and the golden vessel they restored to the local goddess.

The next day they decided to sell the prisoners' goods and me, and they disposed of me to a stranger from a neighboring village, a baker by trade. He took possession of me, bought ten bushels of wheat, which he placed on my back, and drove me home to his own house over a hard road. When we arrived he led me into the mill, where I beheld a great crowd of beasts, my fellow-slaves, and a great number of mills, all turned by them, and everything was covered with flour. They left me there in idleness that day, seeing that I was a new slave, and had come over a hard road carrying a heavy burden. But on the morrow they covered my eyes with a bandage, harnessed me to the shaft of the mill, and then started me up. Although I knew how to work a mill from much experience, I feigned ignorance; but my hopes were vain, for a number of the millers seized clubs and surrounded me; and when I was not expecting it—for I could not see-they pounded me with one accord, and such was the effect of their blows that I suddenly began to whirl round like a top. And I learned by experiment that it will not do for a slave to wait for the master's hand before he does his work.

Well, I grew very thin and weak in body, till my master decided to sell me, and he disposed of me to a man who was a market-gardener by trade, for he had rented a garden to cultivate. This was our daily work: My master would load me with vegetables early in the morning, and take them to the market. Having disposed of them to the dealers, he would drive me back to the garden. Then he would fall to digging and planting and watering, while I stood idle. Still this life was terribly hard for me. In the first place, when winter came my master could not afford coverings for himself, and still less for me; and I trod barefoot through the slimy mud and over the hard, rough, frozen roads; and the only food for man and beast alike was lettuces, hard and bitter.

One day, when we were setting out for the town, we happened upon a fine-looking man in a soldier's uniform, who began to address us in the Latin tongue, and asked the gardener whither he was driving me, the ass. My master, not understanding the language, I suppose, made no reply. The other grew angry at what he thought an insult, and struck with his whip at the gardener, who thereupon closed with him, twirled him off his legs, and stretched him in the road. As he lay there he pounded him with hands and feet, and a stone from the road. The soldier at first resisted, and threatened that when he got on his feet he would kill the gardener with his sword; but my master, being thus instructed from the very lips of his foe, chose the safer part, drew the sword from him and hurled it to a distance. Then he fell to pounding him again where he lay. The soldier, seeing that his plight was already past bearing, pretended to be killed by the blows. This frightened the gardener, so that he left him lying there just as he was, carried off the sword, and rode away on me to the town.

When we were arrived there he confided the charge of the garden to a partner of his, and, fearing possible danger from the affair in the road, he hid himself and me in the house of one of his friends in the town. The next day they laid their plans and acted as follows: my master they concealed in a chest; me they hung by the feet, and carried me up a ladder to the second story, and shut me up there. The soldier, as we heard afterwards, picked himself up out of the road with difficulty when we were gone, and made his way into the city, stunned with the beating he had had. When he found the soldiers of his company, he told them of the gardener's madness, and they, accompanying him, learned our hiding-place. They brought the magistrates of the city with them, who sent some of their people into the house and bade all within come out. When they appeared, the gardener was nowhere to be seen. The soldiers, however, declared he was in the house with me, his ass, but the people of the house said no other creature was left inside, either man or ass. At this an uproar of vociferation rose in the narrow street, and I, in my headstrong curiosity about everything, longed to know who were shouting, so I peeped down from above through the window. As soon as they saw me they raised an outcry. The people of the house were detected in their lie, and the magistrates, entering and ransacking everything, found my master lying in the chest. Him they arrested and packed off to prison, to give an account of his desperate conduct, and me they brought down and handed over to the soldiers. They all burst into inextinguishable laughter at my having given. information from the upper story and betrayed my own master, and I was the origin, on this occasion, of the proverb about the "peeping ass."

I do not know what happened the next day to my master the gardener, but the soldier determined to sell me, and parted with me for five dollars. The purchaser was a servant to a very rich man of Thessalonika, the largest town in Macedonia. His trade was to cook meats for his master, and he had a brother, a fellow-slave, who understood bread - baking and the flavoring of honey - cakes. These brothers were messmates always, lodged in the same house, held the tools of their trade as common property, and finally installed me, too, in their lodging. After the master's dinner these two used to bring home a quantity of fragments, the one of meats and fish, the other of bread and cakes. They would shut me in with these, leaving me the delightful task of guarding them while they went to bathe. And I, bidding farewell with all my heart to my portion of barley, would devote myself to the skill and earnings of my masters, and so for a long time I revelled in human food. At first, when they returned, they used to take no notice of my carnivorous tendency, because there was such a multitude of dishes, and because I still stole my dinner with fear and discretion. But when at last I perceived their unconsciousness, I used to eat up the choicest morsels and a great deal beside. Then they began to notice their loss, and each at first looked suspiciously at the other, and called him thief, robber of common goods, lost to all sense of honor, and after that they both grew careful, and counted the morsels.

The effect on me was that by living this pleasant and luxurious life I grew handsome again in body from having my natural food, and my hide shone with a fresh growth of hair. But my most worthy masters, when they saw me growing fat and sleek, although my barley was not consumed, but remained of the same amount, began to suspect my audacity. So they went out as if going to the bath, closed the doors, and applied their eyes to a crack and watched what went on within. Innocent of the fraud, I forthwith advanced and took my dinner. They first burst out laughing at sight of the incredible meal. Then they called the other slaves to see me, and there was a general laugh, so that the master himself heard it, because it made such an uproar outside, and asked what the joke was out there. When he heard he rose up from his wine, peeped in, and saw me swallowing a bit of wild-boar. With a shout of laughter he entered the room. I was greatly disturbed at being discovered by the master as a thief and glutton in one, but he laughed at me for a long time, and began by ordering me to be led in to his supper-party. There he bade them set a table for me, and put on it all sorts of things, such as no other ass could eat-meats, oysters, soup, fish—some dressed with caviare and olive-oil, and some sprinkled with mustard. I, when I saw fortune smiling sweetly on me, and perceived that this foolery only could save me, stood at the table and dined, though I had already made a hearty meal. The company shouted with laughter, and somebody said, "This ass drinks wine, too, if any one will pour some out for him." So the master ordered it, and I drank what was offered me.

He perceived, as you may suppose, that I was a remarkable creature, and ordered one of his stewards to pay my price to the man who had bought me, and as much again, and he handed me over to a young freedman of his establishment, bidding him instruct me in whatever would make me most diverting him. The young man found the task easy, for I obeyed instantly every instruction. First he made me recline on a couch, leaning on my elbow like a man. Then he taught me to wrestle with him, and actually to dance, standing upright on my hind-feet, and to nod my head or shake it in answer to questions, and a number of other things-all of which I could have done even without teaching. And the report spread far and wide that my master had an ass who drank wine, wrestled, danced— most surprising of all, nodded and shook his head appropriately when spoken to, and, when he was thirsty, summoned the butler by a movement of his eyes. The spectators wondered at the thing as a marvel, not knowing that a man was shut up in the ass, and I made a fat living out of their ignorance. I learned to amble and carry my master on my back, galloping with a pace so gentle that the rider hardly perceived the motion. My harness was superb. I wore a purple saddlecloth, my bit was inlaid with gold and silver, and I was hung with bells which made the sweetest music.

As I have said, Menekles, our master, was from Thessalonika, and had come to this place to make arrangements for a spectacle he had promised his countrymen of men skilled to fight with weapons in single combat. The gladiators were by this time secured, and the party set out. We started at early morning, and I carried my master whenever a stretch of road was rough and hard for the carriages to traverse. When we arrived in Thessalonika every one was eager for the exhibition and for a sight of me, for my renown had preceded me from afar, and the report of my versatility and manlike gifts of dancing and wrestling. My master displayed me to the most distinguished of his townsmen over their wine, and made those amazing frolics of mine an accessary of the dinner.

But the man in charge of me made an income of a good many dollars out of me. He used to lock me up in a room, and when people wished to see me and my incredible performances he would open the door on payment of a fee. They used to bring in all sorts of eatables, particularly such as were considered revolting to an ass's stomach, but I ate them all, so that in a few days, by dining with my master and the townsfolk, I had already grown large and terribly fat.

Finally that day arrived which was to bring such distinction to my master. They decided to exhibit me in the theatre, and this was the manner of my appearance. A large couch was prepared, wrought of Indian tortoise-shell fastened with bolts of gold. I was laid on it, and in this posture placed on a machine of some sort, transported to the theatre, and deposited in the middle amid shouts of applause and a universal clapping of hands. A table was spread for me, and many dishes were set on it such as human epicures have for dinner. Slave boys stood in attendance, handsome cup-bearers who served me with wine in a golden cup. The man in charge of me, who was standing behind, bade me eat my dinner,

But I was divided between shame at being exposed in the theatre and fear lest, perchance, a bear or a lion should leap in. At this moment some one passed by carrying flowers, and among the others I saw the leaves of freshly-gathered roses. Without an instant's hesitation I sprang up and jumped from the couch. The spectators thought I was getting up to dance, but I fell upon the flowers, tore one from another, selected the roses, and swallowed them. And while the audience were still wondering at me, that beast's form fell from me and vanished, the whilom ass disappeared, and to my joy Loukios himself stood there naked. At this incredible and most unexpected sight the company broke into great uproar in their terror, and two opposing parties formed in the theatre. For some thought I ought to be burned on the spot as a master of unholy potions and a devil of many shapes, but others said it was only fair to wait for my account of myself and to hear the case first, and then decide on it. For my part, I ran to the governor of the province, who happened to be present at the exhibition, and told him from below that the Thessalian serving-maid of a Thessalian woman had made an ass of me by anointing me with magic ointment, and I prayed him to put me under guard until I should persuade him. that I had told him my true history.

"Tell us your name," said the governor, “and the names of your parents and relatives, if you have any, and your city."

"Sire," said I, my name is Loukios, and my brother's name is Gaios. As to our family names, we have the same. I am a writer of histories and other works, and my brother is an elegiac poet and a skilful diviner. Our birthplace is Patrai, in Achaia." When the magistrate heard this he cried, "You are the son of a family who are very dear to me, and my guest-friends. They have entertained me in their house and given me presents, and I know you tell the truth, since you are a child of theirs." And he sprang from his seat, embraced me, kissed me again and again, and conducted me to his home. At this juncture my brother also arrived, bringing me money and many other things. Thereupon the governor declared me free officially in the presence of the people, and we went down to the sea, looked out a ship, and put our luggage aboard.

Then we sailed away from the city with a favorable wind, and a few days later I arrived in my native land. There I offered a sacrifice to the gods, my saviors, and set up a votive offering, since I had been brought home, and after long wanderings, and with great difficulty, saved—not out of the lion's jaws, by Heaven, but out of the curiosity of the ass.