Book 9

In this manner the traitorous cook prepared himself to slay me: and when he was ready with his knives to do his feat, I devised with myself how I might escape the present peril, and I did not long delay, for incontinently I brake the halter wherewith I was tied, I dashed forth at full speed, and flinging my heels hither and thither, at length to save myself I ran hastily through a passage that was near, burst into a parlour where the master of the house was feasting after the sacrifice with the priests, and disquieted all the company, throwing down their meats and drinks and even the table itself. The master of the house, dismayed at my great disorder, strictly commanded one of his servants to take me up as a savage and wanton ass, and lock me in some strong place to the end I might disturb them no more; but I regarded my imprisonment as my safety, considering that by my clever colouring and deceit I was happily delivered from the hands of the traitorous cook.

Howbeit, if fortune be opposite, nothing may prosper a man, nor may the fatal disposition of the divine providence be avoided or changed by wise counsel, nor by any wholesome remedy: for that very deceit, which seemed to have found for me safety for the moment, brought upon me a grievous danger, pay well nigh utter destruction: for by and by, as they were familiarly whispering together, a lad came running into the parlour, all trembling and fearful i» his countenance, and declared to the master of the house that a mad dog had run in from the next lane and had rushed furiously into the back gate; which had done much harm, for he had bitten many greyhounds and thence had entered the stable and had with like savagery attacked most of the beasts; nor finally had he spared men, for there was one Myrtilus a muleteer, Hephaestion a cook, Hypatarius a chamberlain, and Apollonius a physician, nay many more, who (thinking to chase away the mad dog) were cruelly bitten by him; and, indeed, many horses and other beasts had been infected with the venom of his poisonous teeth and become mad likewise. This thing caused them all at the table greatly to fear, and thinking that I had been, made mad by being bitten and was mad in like sort, they snatched up all manner of weapons and came out exhorting one another so to keep off the common destruction of all, themselves rather a prey to the same disease of madness. Verily, with their spears, clubs, and pitchforks, which their servants easily found for them, they had torn me limb from limb, had I not by and by observed the storm of sudden danger and crept into a chamber, where my masters intended to lodge that night. Then they closed and locked fast the doors about me, and kept the chamber round, till such time as they thought that they would not have to meet me in battle and the pestilent rage of madness should have killed me. Now when I was thus shut in the chamber, I had at last gained my liberty, and taking the gift that fortune had sent me, to be alone, I laid me down upon the bed to sleep, considering it was long time past since I lay and took my rest as a man doth.

When morning was come, and that I was well reposed by the-softness of the bed, I rose up lustily. In the mean season I heard them which watched about the chamber all night reason with themselves in this sort: Verily, quoth one, I think the ass be still raving. So think not, quoth another, For the outrageous poison of madness hath killed him. But being thus in divers opinions, they determined to put them to the test and looked through a crevice, and espied me standing still, sober and quiet, in the middle of the chamber; and then they opened the doors and came towards me to prove whether I were gentle or no. Amongst whom there was one, which in my opinion was sent from heaven to save my life, that put forward a proof to see whether I were sane: and he willed the others to set a basin of fair water before me, and thereby they should know whether I were mad or no, for if I did drink without fear, as I accustomed to do, it was a sign that I was whole and free of all disease, where contrary if I did fly and abhor the sight and taste of the water, it was an evident proof of my continued madness; which thing he said that he had read in ancient and credible books. Whereupon they agreed thereto and took a basin of clear water from a spring hard by and presented it before me, hesitating and delaying still; but I, as soon as I perceived the wholesome water of my salvation, ran incontinently and, thrusting my head into the basin, drank all that water, that was truly water of salvation to me, as though I had been greatly athirst. Then did I suffer them to stroke me with their hands, and to bow my ears, and to take me by the halter and aught else that they dared, so that I might, by taking each thing in good part, disprove their mad presumption 1 by my meekness and gentle behaviour. When I was thus delivered from this double danger, the next day I was laded again with the trappings of the goddess and other trumpery, and was brought out into the way with rattles and cymbals, to beg in the villages which we passed by according to our custom. And after that we had gone through a few hamlets and castles, we fortuned to come to a certain village, which was builded (as the inhabitants there affirmed) among the ruined foundations of a famous and ancient city. And after that we had turned into the next inn, we heard of a pretty jest committed in the town there, in the matter of the cuckoldry of a certain poor man, which I would that you should know likewise.

There was a man dwelling in the town, very poor, that had naught to live upon but that which he got by his labour as a smith and the travail of his hands: his wife too was very poor, but known to be lascivious and exceeding given to the desire of the flesh. Now it fortuned on a day that while this man was gone betimes in the morning about his business, according as he accustomed to do, his wife's lover secretly came into his house to have his pleasure with her. And so it chanced that during the time that he and she were busking together, her husband, suspecting no such matter, returned suddenly home praising the chaste continency of his wife,in that he found his doors fast locked and closed; wherefore, as his custom was, he whistled to declare his coming home. Then his crafty wife, ready with present shifts, loosed her lover from her embrace and hid him in a great tub standing in a corner, and it was very ruinous and dirty, but empty withal; and then she opened the door, blaming her husband in this sort: Comest thou home so every day empty with thy hands wrapt in thy cloke? And bringest nothing by thy accustomed labour to maintain our house? Thou hast no regard for our profit, neither providest for any meat or drink, whereas I, poor wretch, do nothing day and night but wear my sinews with spinning, and yet my travail will scarce find the candles to lighten our hut. O how much more happy is my neighbour Daphne, that eateth and drinketh at her pleasure, and well foxed passeth the time with her amorous lovers according to her desire. What is the matter? quoth her husband, much grieved at that she said, Though our master hath business in the market and hath made holiday for us, yet think not but that I have made provision for our supper this day; dost thou not see this tub that keepeth a place here in our house in vain, and doth us no service save to hinder us in our ¦¦coming and going? Behold I have sold it to a good fellow (that now cometh) for five pence, and he will pay the money and carry it away. Wherefore I pray thee lend me thy hand that I may mend it and take it up and deliver him the tub. His wife (having invented a present shift) laughed boldly on her husband, saying: What a notable and goodly merchant have I gotten in you, to fetch away my tub for so little for which I, poor woman that sit all day alone in my house, have been proffered!long ago seven pence! Her husband, being well pleased at the greater price, demanded what he was that would give so much. Look, fool, quoth she, He is gone under to see where it be sound or no.

Then her lover, which was under the tub, began to stir that his words might agree to the words of the woman, and said: Dame, will you have me tell the truth? This tub is old and rotten and cracked as meseemeth on every side. And then he turned himself to her husband, colouring the matter and saying: I pray, honest man, whoever you be, light a candle that I may make the tub clean within, to see if it be for my purpose or no, for I do not mind to east away my money wilfully. This clever husband by and by, suspecting nothing, delayed not to light a candle, saying: I pray you, good brother, put not yourself to so much pain, but stand by and let me make the tub clean and ready for you; whereupon he put off his coat and took the light and crept under the tub to rub away the old filth from the sides. In the mean season the minion lover cast his wife on the bottom of the tub, and had his pleasure with her over his head, and she, like the very harlot that she was, played a merry prank upon her husband; for as she was in the midst of her pastime, she turned her head on this side and that side, shewing now this and now that to be cleansed, till as they had both ended their business, and then he delivered seven pence for the tub: and then the poor smith must himself carry it on his back to the lover's lodging.

After that Ave had tarried there a few days at the cost and charges of the whole village, and had gotten much money by our divination and prognostication of things to come, those good priests invented a new mean to pick men's purses; for they had one lot whereon was written this cheating answer, which they gave for every enquiry; and it was: The oxen tied and yoked together: do plough the ground to the intent it may bring forth her increase. 1 And by these kind of lots they deceived many of the simple sort: for if one had demanded whether he should have a good wife or no, they would say that his lot did testify the same, that he should be tied and yoked to a good woman and have increase of children: if one demanded whether he should buy lands and possessions, they said that there was much reason in the mentioning of the oxen and the yoke, which foretold that he should have much ground that should yield his increase: if one demanded the advice of heaven whether he should have a good and prosperous voyage, they said he should have good success because that now these gentlest of beasts were joined together and v ready to go, and that of the increase of the soil should be his profit: if one demanded whether he should vanquish his enemies, or prevail in pursuit of thieves, they said that the oracle foretold victory, for that his enemies' necks should be brought under the yoke, and that a rich and fertile gain should be gotten from the thieves' booty.

Thus by the telling of fortunes so cleverly and cunningly they gathered a great quantity of money; but when they were weary with giving of answers, they drove me away before them the next night, through a lane which was more dangerous and stony than the way which we had gone before; for it was full of deep and gaping holes, sometimes wet with quagmires and foggy marshes, and sometimes very slippery with mud and filth, whereby my legs failed me with often stumbling and falling, in such sort that I could scarce come wearily and with bruised legs to the plain field-paths. And behold by and by from behind a great company of the inhabitants of the town, armed with weapons and on horseback, overtook us, hardly pulling up the horses of their car, for they galloped furiously, they incontinently arrested Philebus and his priests, and tied them by the necks and beat them cruelly, calling them sacrilegious thieves and vile robbers, and after that they had manacled their hands they urged them furiously again and again: Shew us, quoth they, The cup of gold, the temptation of your crime, which you have taken privily away from the very shrine of the Mother of the gods, under, the colour of your solemn religion, which you must needs perform secretly shut up in her temple; and now you think to escape in the night without punishment for your deed, leaving the boundaries of town and setting secretly forth before it be yet light. By and by one came towards me, and thrusting his hand into the bosom of the goddess which I bare, found and brought out before them all the cup which they had stole: howbeit, for all their robbery which appeared evident and plain, those accursed and vile creatures would not be confounded or abashed, but, jesting and laughing out the matter, began to say: Is it reason, masters, that you should thus rigorously intreat us, as often befalls innocent men, and threaten to bring the faithful priests of religion into danger of death for a small trifling cup, which the Mother of the gods determined to give to her sister for a present? Howbeit, for all their lies and eavillations, they were carried back to the town and put in prison by the inhabitants, who, taking the cup of gold and the image of the goddess which I bare, did put and consecrate them amongst the treasure of the temple. The next day I was carried to the market to be sold by the voice of the crier, and again my price was set; but I was sold at seven pence more than Philebus gave for me. There fortuned to pass by a baker of the next village, who, after that he had bought a great deal of corn, bought me likewise to carry it home, and when he had well laded me therewith, he drove me through a stony and dangerous way to his bakehouse.

There I saw a great company of horses that went round and round in the mill turning the stones and grinding of corn: and not by day only, but at night also they must needs still work at the mill and make flour in those engines that never stood still: but lest I should be discouraged at the first, my master entertained me well in a luxurious place; for the first day I had a holiday and did nothing but fare daintily at a full manger. Howbeit, such mine ease and felicity did not long endure; for the next day following I was tied to the greatest mill (as it seemed to me) betimes in the morning with my face covered, and placed in a small path of a circle to the end in turning and winding so often one way I might keep a certain course and tread in my own path again and again. But I forgat not my wisdom and careful prudence so as to lend myself too easily to the new labour, for although when I was a man I had seen many such horse-mills, and knew well enough how they should be turned, yet feigning myself ignorant of such kind of toil I stood still and would not go, whereby I thought I should be taken from the mill as an ass unapt, and put to some other lighter labour, or else to be driven into the fields to pasture: but my subtlety did me small profit, for by and by when the mill stood still, the many servants came about me armed with sticks, whereas I suspected nothing, mine eyes being covered, and suddenly when a sign was given they cried out and plentifully beat me forward, in such sort that I could not stay to advise myself, because of the sudden attack and noise, but leaned sturdily against my rope and went briskly on my appointed path; whereby all the company laughed to see so sudden a change.

When a good part of the day was past, so that I was not able to endure any longer, they took off my harness, and tied me to the manger; but although my bones were weary, and that I needed to refresh myself with rest and provender, being utterly dead with hunger, yet I was so curious and anxious also, that I did greatly delight to behold the horrible fashion of the baker's mill, in so much that I could not eat nor drink while I looked on, although there was food in plenty. O good Lord, what a sort of poor slaves were there; some had their skin bruised all over black and blue, some had their backs striped with lashes and were but covered rather than clothed with torn rags, some had their members only hidden by a narrow cloth, all wore such ragged clouts that,you might perceive through them all their.naked bodies, some were marked and burned in the forehead with hot irons, some had their hair half clipped, some had shackles on their legs, ugly and evil favoured, some could scarce see, their eyes and faces were so black and dim with smoke, their eye lids all cankered with the darkness of that reeking place, half blind and sprinkled black and white with dirty flour like boxers which fight together befouled with sand. But how should I speak of the horses my companions, how they, being old mules or weak horses, thrust their heads into the manger and ate the heaps of straws? They had their necks all wounded and worn away with old sores, they rattled their nostrils with a continual cough, their sides were bare with continued rubbing of their harness and great travail, their ribs were broken and the bones did show with perpetual beating, their hoofs were battered very broad with endless walking, and their whole skin ragged by reason of mange and their great age. When I saw this dreadful sight, I greatly began to fear lest I should come to the like state: and considering with myself the good fortune which I was sometime in when I was a man, I greatly despaired and lamented, holding down my head, but I saw no comfort or consolation of my torments, saving that my mind and my inborn curiosity was somewhat recreated to hear and understand what every man said and did, for they neither feared nor doubted my presence. At that time I remembered how truly Homer, the divine author of ancient Poetry among the Greeks, described him to be a wise man 1 which had travelled divers countries and nations, and by straitly observing them all had obtained great virtue and knowledge. Wherefore I do now give great thanks to my assy form, in that by that mean I have seen the experience of many things, and am become more experienced (notwithstanding that I was then very little wise). But I will tell you a pretty and handsome jest, which cometh now to my remembrance, to the intent your ears may be delighted in hearing the same, and I do now begin it.

The baker which bought me was an honest and sober man, but his wife the most pestilent woman in all the world, in so much that he endured with her many miseries and afflictions to his bed and house, so that I myself did secretly pity his estate and bewail his evil fortune: for there was not one single fault that was lacking to her, but all the mischiefs that could be devised had flowed into her heart as into some filthy privy; she was crabbed, cruel, cursed, drunken, obstinate, niggish, covetous in base robberies, riotous in filthy expenses, an enemy, to faith and chastity, a despiser of all the gods whom others did honour, one that affirmed that she had instead of our sure religion an only god by herself,1 whereby, inventing empty rites and ceremonies, she deceived all men, but especially her poor husband, delighting in drinking wine,yea,early in the morning, and abandoning her body to continual whoredom. This mischievous quean hated me in such wonderful sort that she commanded every day, before she was up, that I, the new ass, should be put in the mill to grind: and the first thing which she would do in the morning, when she had left her chamber, was to see me cruelly beaten, and that I should grind and be kept from the manger long after the other beasts did feed and take rest. When I saw that I was so cruelly handled, she gave me great desire to learn her conversation and her life; for I saw oftentimes a young man, which would privily go into her chamber, whose face I did greatly desire to see, but I could not, by reason mine eyes were covered every day: and verily, if I had been free and at liberty, I would have discovered all her abomination. She had an old woman, a bawd, a messenger of mischief, that daily haunted to her house, and made good cheer with her at breakfast, and then they would drink wine unmixed, and after this first skirmish they would contrive and plot to the utter undoing and impoverishment of her husband: but I, that was greatly offended with the negligence of Fotis, who made me an ass instead of a bird, did yet comfort myself for the miserable deformity of my shape by this only mean, in that I had long ears, whereby I might hear all things that were done even afar off.

On a day I heard the shameless old bawd say to the baker's wife: Dame, you have chosen (notwithstanding my counsel) a young man to your lover, who as meseemeth is dull, fearful, without any grace, and dastardly coucheth at the frowning looks of your odious husband, whereby you have no delight nor pleasure with him. How far better is the young man Philesitherus, who is comely, beautiful, in the flower of his youth, liberal, courteous, valiant, and stout against the diligent pryings and watches of husbands, alone worthy to embrace the worthiest dames of this country, and alone worthy to wear a crown of gold, be it for one part alone that he played with clever wit to one that was jealous over his wife. Hearken how it was, and then judge the diversity of these two lovers.

Know you one Barbarus, a senator of our town, whom the vulgar people call likewise Scorpion for his peevish manners? This Barbarus had a gentlewoman to his wife, of exceeding beauty, whom he caused daily to be enclosed within his house with diligent custody.

Then the baker's wife said: I know her very well, for her name is Arete, and we two dwelled together at one school. Then you know, quoth the old woman, The whole tale of Philesitherus? No, verily, said she, But I greatly desire to know it: therefore I pray you, mother, tell me the whole story. By and by the old woman, which knew well to babble, began to tell as followeth:

You shall understand that on a day this Barbarus, preparing himself to ride abroad, and willing to keep the chastity of his wife (whom he so well loved) alone to himself, called his man Myrmex (whose faith he had tried and proved in many things) and secretly committed to him the custody of his wife, threatening him, that if any man did but touch her with his finger as he passed by, he would not only put him in prison, and bind him hand and foot, but also cause him to be put to death cruelly and shamefully; which words he confirmed by oath of all the gods in heaven, and so he departed careless away, leaving Myrmex to follow his wife with all diligence. When Barbarus was gone Myrmex, being greatly astonished and afraid at his master's threatenings, was exceeding constant and fixed in his purpose, and would not suffer his mistress to go abroad, but as she sat all day a-spinning, he was so careful that he sat by her; and when night came he,went with her to the baths, holding her by the garment, so faithful he was to fulfil the commandment of his master Howbeit, the beauty of 'this noble matron could not be hidden from the burning eyes of Philesitherus, who considering her great chastity, and how she was diligently kept by

Myrmex, was greatly set afire, and ready to do or suffer aught to gain her; and so he endeavoured by all kind of means to enterprise the matter, and to break through the serene guard of her house, and remembered the fragility of man, that might be enticed and corrupted with money, since by gold even adamant gates may be opened. On a day when he found Myrmex alone, he discovered his love, desiring him to shew his favour to heal him thereof (otherwise he intended and should certainly die unless he soon obtained his desire) with assurance that he need not fear, as he might privily be let in alone and under the covering of the night, without knowledge of any person, and in a moment come out again. To these, and other gentle words, he added a wedge which might violently split the hard tenacity of Myrmex; for he shewed him glittering new gold pieces in his hand, saying that he would give his mistress twenty crowns, and him ten.

Now Myrmex, hearing these words, was greatly troubled, abhorring in his mind to commit so wicked a mischief; wherefore he stopped his ears, and turning his head departed away. Howbeit, although far apart and having now speedily gotten him home, the glittering hue of these crowns could never out of his mind, but he seemed to see the money, which was so worthy a prey, before his eyes. Wherefore, poor Myrmex was tossed on the waves of opinions and was utterly distracted and could not tell what to do; for on the one side, he considered the promise which he made to his master, and the punishment which should ensue if he did contrary, while on the other side, he thought of the gain and passing pleasure,of 'the crowns of gold. In the end the desire of the money did more prevail than the fear of death, for the desire of the flourishing crowns was not abated by distance of space, but it did even invade his dreams in the night time, and where the menaces of his master compelled him to tarry at home, the pestilent avarice of the gold egged him out of doors; wherefore, putting all shame aside without further delay, he declared the whole matter to his mistress; who, according to the light nature of women, when she heard him speak of so great a sum, put her chastity in pawn to the vile money. Myrmex, seeing the intent of his mistress, was very glad, and hastened to the ruin and breaking of his faith, and for great desire that the gold should not only be his, but that he might handle the same instantly, ran hastily to

Philesitherus, declaring that his mistress had consented to his mind, wherefore he demanded the gold which he promised; and then incontinently Philesitherus delivered him ten golden crowns, who had never before possessed even money of copper. When night came, Myrmex brought him disguised and covered into his mistress' chamber; but, about midnight, when he and she were together making the first sacrifice of love unto the. goddess Venus, behold, her husband (contrary to their expectation) came and knocked at the door, calling with a loud voice and beating upon it with a stone. Their long tarrying increased the suspicion of the master, in such sort that he threatened to beat Myrmex cruelly: but he, being troubled with fear, and driven to his latter shifts, excused the matter as best he could, saying that he could not find the key, by reason it had been hidden curiously away and that the night was so lark. In the mean season Philesitherus, hearing the noise at the door, slipt on his coat (yet barefoot, because of his great confusion) and privily ran out of the chamber. When at last Myrmex had fitted the key into the lock and opened the door to his master that still threatened terribly by all the gods, and had let him in, he went into the chamber to his wife; in the mean while Myrmex let out Philesitherus, and when he had seen him pass the threshold, he barred the doors safe, and went to bed, fearing nothing.

The next morning, when Barbarus was about leaving his chamber, he perceived two unknown slippers lying under his bed, in the which Philesitherus had entered the night before. Then he conceived a great suspicion and jealousy in his mind: howbeit, he would not discover his heart's sorrow to his wife, neither to any other of his household, but putting secretly the slippers in his bosom, commanded his other servants to bind Myrmex incontinently, and to bring him quickly bound to the justice after him, groaning and wailing inwardly within himself, and thinking verily that by the means of the slippers he might track out the matter. It fortuned that while Barbarus went through the street towards the justice with a countenance of fury and rage, and Myrmex fast bound followed him weeping, not yet because he was found guilty before the master, but by reason he knew his own conscience guilty and therefore he cried bitterly and tailed upon the mercy which availed him nothing, behold, by adventure Philesitherus (going about other earnest business) fortuned to meet them by the way; who, fearing the matter which he so suddenly saw, yet not utterly dismayed, remembering that which he had forgotten in his haste, and conjecturing the rest, did suddenly invent a mean, for that he was of great confidence and present mind, to excuse Myrmex; for he thrust away the slaves and ran upon him and beat him wildly about the head with his fists, saying: 'Ah, mischievous varlet that thou art, and perjured knave, it were a good deed if thy master here would put thee to death, and all the gods whom thou hast hastily swallowed down with thy false swearing, for thou art worthy to be imprisoned in a dark dungeon, and to wear out these irons, that stolest my slippers away when thou wert at the baths yesternight.' Barbarus, hearing these words, was utterly convinced and deceived by the timely subtlety of that clever youth, and returned incontinently home, and calling his servant Myrmex, forgave him and commanded him to deliver the slippers again to the right owner, whence he had stolen the same.

The old woman had scarce finished her tale, when the baker's wife began to say: Verily she is blessed, and most blessed, that hath the free fruition of so worthy a lover; but as for me, poor wretch, I am fallen into the hands of a coward, who is afraid every clap of the mill, and dares do nothing before the blind face of yonder scabbed ass. Then the old woman answered: I promise you certainly, if you will, you shall have this young man, that is firm and constant of mind, as well as smart and brisk, at your pleasure this very evening, and therewithal she departed out of the chamber, appointing to return at night. In the mean season, the baker's chaste wife made ready a lordly supper with abundance of wine and exquisite fare, fresh meat and gravy, and waited for the coming of the young man as for some god: for it happened by good fortune that her husband supped at a fuller's that lived next- door. When, therefore, the day was coming towards its term, so that my harness should be taken oft' and that I should rest myself in peace, I was not so joyful of my liberty, as that the veil being taken from mine eyes, I should see all the abomination of this mischievous quean. When night was come and the sun gone down beneath the sea to lighten the under part of the earth, behold the old bawd and the young lover at her side came to the door; and he seemed to me but a boy, by reason that his cheeks were yet smooth and bright, and very pleasant: then the baker's wife kissed him a thousand times, and receiving him courteously, placed him down at the table. But he had scarce taken any first draught nor eaten the first morsel, when the good man (contrary to his wife's expectation) returned home, for she thought he would not have come so soon; but, Lord, how she cursed him, good woman, praying God that he might break his legs at the first entry in. In the mean season she caught her lover, that was now very pale and trembling, and thrust him into the bin that lay near by some chance, where she accustomed to sift her flour, and dissembling her wickedness by her wonted craft, put on a firm countenance and asked of her husband why he came home so soon, and left the supper of his clear friend so early. I could not abide, quoth he, deeply sighing, To see so great a mischief and wicked fact which my neighbour's wife committed, but I must run away. Oh, how good and trusty a matron she seemed, but what a harlot is she become, and how she hath dishonoured her husband! I swear by this goddess Ceres that if I had not seen it with mine eyes I would never have believed it. His wife, made desirous by his words to know the matter, desired him to tell what she had done; and she ceased not to urge him until he accorded to the request of his wife, and ignorant of the state of his own house, declared the mischance of another.

You shall understand, said he, That the wife of the fuller my companion, who seemed to be a wise and chaste woman, regarding her own honesty and the profit of her house, had begun secretly to love a knave, and did often meet him: and this very night, as we came back to supper from the baths, he. and she were together. Then she was troubled by our sudden presence and thrust him into a mew made with twigs, built up high with rods woven in and out, and appointed to lay on clothes to make them white with the smoke and fume of brimstone: and so he being very safe hidden therein (as she thought) she sat with us at the table to colour the matter. In the mean season the young man, covered in the mew, could not forbear oft sneezing, by reason of the sharp smoke, for he was wholly surrounded and choked with the heavy fumes of this lively sublimate. The good man, thinking it had been his wife that sneezed (for the noise thereof came from behind her back) cried, as they are wont to say, ' Christ help '; but when he sneezed more and more, he suspected the matter, and willing to know who it was, rose, pushing back the table, and went to the mew, where he found the young man now choked well nigh dead with smoke. When he understood the whole matter he was so inflamed with anger at this outrage that he called for a sword to kill him: and undoubtedly he had so done, had not I hardly restrained his violent hands from his purpose, that had brought danger unto us all, assuring him that his enemy would die with the force of the brimstone without any harm which he might get from it: howbeit, my words would not appease his fury, but as necessity required he took the young man well nigh choked, and carried him out at the doors to the nearest lane. In the mean season I counselled his wife and did persuade her to leave his shop and absent herself at some neighbour's house till the choler of her husband was pacified, lest he should be moved against her, and do her some harm and to himself also. And so being weary of their supper, I forthwith returned home.

When the baker had told this tale, his impudent and rash wife began to curse and abhor the wife of the fuller, calling her whore and shameless, and a great shame to all the sex of women, in that she had lost all modesty, broken the bond of her husband's bed, turned his house into a bawdy-house, and had lost the dignity of a spouse to become an harlot; and said that such women were worthy to be burned alive. But knowing her own guilty conscience and proper whoredom, that she might the sooner save her lover from hurt lying in the bin, she willed her husband now early to go to bed, but he, having lost his supper and eaten nothing, said gently that he would sup before he went to rest: wherefore she was compelled, though very unwilling, to set I such things on the table as she had prepared for her lover. But I was much troubled in heart, as considering the past great mischief of this wicked quean and her present obstinacy and impudence, and devised with myself how I might help my master by revealing the matter, and by kicking away the cover of the bin (where like a snail the young man was couched) make her whoredom apparent and known. As I was tormented by the insult put upon my master, at length I was aided by the providence of God, for there was a lame old man to whom the custody of us was committed, that drove me, poor ass, and the other horses in a herd to the water to drink, and the time was then come; then had I good occasion ministered to my revenge, for as I passed by I perceived the fingers of the young man in the narrow space under the side of the bin, and lifting up my heels I spurned the flesh thereof with the force of my hoofs, and crushed them small, where by the great pain thereof he was compelled to cry out, and to throw down the bin on the ground, and so the whoredom,of the baker's wife was known and revealed. The baker, seeing this, was little moved at the dishonesty of his wife, but he took the young man, pale and trembling for fear, by the hand, and with cold and courteous words spake in this sort: Fear not any trouble from me, my son, nor think that I am so barbarous or cruel or rustical a person that I would stifle thee with the smoke of sulphur, as our neighbour the fuller accustometh, nor will I punish thee accord to the rigour of the Julian law, which commandeth that adulterers should be put to death. No, no, I will not execute any cruelty against so fair and comely a young man as you be, but we will divide our pleasure between us; I will not sue thee for a division of our inheritance, but we will be equal partners by the sharing all three of one bed. For never bath there been any debate nor dissension between foe and my wife, but both of us may be contented, for I have always lived with her in such tranquillity that according to the saying of the wise men, the one hath said, that the other holdeth for law; but indeed equity will not suffer but that the husband should bear more authority than the wife. With these and like smooth and jesting words he led the young man to his chamber, and closed his wife in another chamber, whereby he might revenge his enemy at his pleasure. On the next morrow when the sun's rays did first usher in the day, he called two of the most sturdiest servants of his house, who hoist up the young man while he scourged his buttocks well-favouredly with rods like a child. When he had well beaten him he said: Art thou not ashamed, thou that art so tender and delicate a boy, to refuse the lovers of thine own budding age, and to desire the violation of honest marriages, and defame thyself with wicked wiving, whereby thou hast gotten the name of an adulterer? And so he whipped him again and chased him out of his house: the young man, the bravest of all adulterers, ran away, despairing of his life, and did nothing else, save only bewail his striped and aching buttocks. Soon after the baker sent one to his wife who divorced her away in his name: but she, beside tier own natural mischief (offended at this contumely, though she had worthily deserved the same) had recourse to wicked arts and trumpery 1 that women use, never ceasing till she had found out an enchantress, who (as it was thought) could do what she would with her sorcery and conjuration. The baker's wife began to entreat her, promising that she would largely recompense her, if she could bring one of these two things to pass, either to make that her husband might be reconciled to her again, or else, if he would not agree thereto, to send some ghost or devil into him to dispossess the spirit of her husband.

Then the witch with her abominable science began at first to conjure with the lighter arts of her wicked practice, and to make her ceremonies to turn the offended heart of the baker to the love of his wife: but all was in vain; wherefore angry with her gods, and considering on the one side that she could not bring her purpose to pass, and on the other side the loss of her gain and the little account that was made of her science, she began to aim against the life of the baker, threatening to send an ill spirit of a certain woman that had died violently to kill him by mean of her conjurations.

But peradventure some scrupulous reader may demand me a question, how I, being an ass, and tied always within the walls of the mill-house, could be so clever as to know the secrets of these women: learn then, I answer, notwithstanding my shape of an ass, yet having the sense and knowledge of a man, how I did curiously find out and know out such injuries as were done to my master. About noon there came suddenly a woman into the mill-house, very sorrowful, clothed in wretched rags, and in gloomy garb like those that are accused of a crime, half naked and with bare and unshod feet, meagre, exceeding pale and thin, ill-favoured, and her hair, which was growing towards white, mixed with cinders.and scattering upon her face. This woman gently took the baker by the hand, and feigning that she had some secret matter to tell him, led him into his chamber, where they remained a good space with closed doors. But when all the corn was ground that was ready to hand, and the servants were compelled to call their master to give them more, they called very often at his chamber door, and asked that they might have further matter for their labour,

But when no person gave answer to their often and loud crying, they knocked louder to none effect: then they began to mistrust, in so much that with great pushing they brake open the door, which was very closely barred; but when they were come in, they could not find the woman, but only their master hanging dead upon a rafter of the chamber. Thereupon they cried and lamented greatly, and took his body from the noose; and according to the custom, when they had mourned him much and washed the body, they performed all the funeral rites and buried him, much people attending. The next morrow the daughter of the baker, which was married but a little before to one of the next village, came crying with hair awry and beating her breast: not because she heard of the sad fortune of her house by the message of any man, but because her father's lamentable spirit, with a halter about his neck, appeared to her in the night, declaring the whole circumstance of the matter; of the wickedness of her stepmother and her whoredom, of the witchcraft and how by enchantment he was descended to hell. After that she had lamented a good space, and was then somewhat comforted by the servants of the house and had ceased therefrom, and when nine days were expired, and all was duly done at the tomb, as inheritress to her father she sold away all the substance of the house, both slaves and furniture and beasts, whereby the goods of one household chanced by the operation of fortune into divers men's hands.

There was a poor gardener amongst the rest, which bought me for the sum of fifty pence, which seemed, to him a great price, but he thought to gain it again by the common travail of himself and me. The matter requireth to tell likewise, how I was handled in his service. This gardener accustomed to drive me every morning laden with herbs to the next village, and there, when he had sold his herbs, he would mount upon my back and return to the garden. Now while he digged the ground, and watered the herbs, and bent himself to his other business, I did nothing but repose myself with great ease: but when the signs of heaven were turned in their ordained courses, and the year in due order passed by days and by months from the pleasant delights of the autumn unto Capricorn, with sharp hail, rain, and wintry frosts, I had no stable, but standing always under a hedgeside, beneath the unceasing rain and the dews of night, was well nigh killed with cold; for my master was so poor that he had no lodging for himself, much less he had any litter or place to cover me withal; but he himself always lay under a little roof, shadowed and covered with boughs. In the morning when I walked, I had no shoes to my hoofs to pass upon the sharp ice and frosty mire, neither could I fill my belly with meat as I accustomed to do; for my master and I supped together and had both one fare, and it was very slender, since we had nothing else saving old and unsavoury salads, which were suffered to grow for seed, like long brooms, and all their sweet sap and juice had become bitter and stinking.

It fortuned on a day that an honest man of the next village was benighted, and constrained, by reason of the rain and that it was dark without moon, to lodge (his horse being very weary) in our garden; where although he was but meanly received,yet served well enough considering time and necessity. This honest man, to recompense our kindly entertainment, promised to give my master some corn, oil, and two bottles of wine: therefore my master, not delaying the matter, laded me with a sack and empty bottles, and sat upon my bare back and rode to the town, which was seven miles off. When we came to the honest man's farm, he entertained and feasted my master exceedingly; and it fortuned while they ate and drank together in great amity, there chanced a strange and dreadful case; for there was a hen which ran cackling about the yard, even as though she would have laid an egg; the good man of the house, perceiving her, said: O good and profitable pullet, that now for so long hast fed us every day with thy fruit, thou seemest as though thou wouldst give us some pittance for our dinner. Oh, boy, put the pannier in the accustomed corner that the hen may lay. Then the boy did as his master commanded, but the hen, forsaking her accustomed litter, came towards her master, and laid at his feet an offspring too early indeed, and one that should betoken great ill to come; for it was not an egg which every man knoweth, but a chicken, with feathers, claws, and eyes, nay even with a voice, which incontinently ran peeping after his dame. By and by happened a more strange thing which would cause any man to abhor; for under the very table whereon was the rest of their meat, the ground opened, and there appeared a great well and fountain of blood, in so much that the drops thereof sprinkled about the table. At the same time, while they wondered at this dreadful sight, and feared that which the gods should presage thereby, one of the servants came running out of the cellar, and told that all the wine, which had long before been racked off, was boiled out of the vessels, as though there had been some great fire under. By and by without the house weasels were seen that drew with their teeth a dead serpent; and out of the mouth of a shepherd's dog leaped a green frog, and immediately after a ram that stood hard by leaped upon the same dog and strangled him with one bite. All these things that happened horribly astonished the good man of the house and the residue that were present, in so much they could not tell how they stood on what to do, which first and which last, which more and which less, or with what or how many sacrifices to appease the anger of the gods.

While every man was thus stricken in fear of some hideous thing that should come to pass, behold one brought word to the good man of the house of a great and terrible mishap. For he had three sons who had been brought up in good literature and endued with good manners, in whom he greatly gloried. Now they three had great acquaintance and ancient amity with a poor man, which was their neighbour and dwelled hard by them in a little cottage. And next unto that little cottage dwelled another young man very rich both in lands and goods, but using ill the pride of his high descent, very factious, and ruling himself in the town according to his own will. This young royster did mortally hate this poor man, in so much that he would kill his sheep, steal his oxen, and spoil his corn and other fruits before the time of ripeness; yet was he not contented with this spoiling of his thrift, but he burned to encroach upon the poor man's ground and by some empty quarrel of boundaries claimed all his heritage as his own. The poor man, which was very simple and fearful, seeing all his goods taken away by the avarice of the rich man, called together and assembled many of his friends to shew them in much fear the metes and bounds of his land, to the end he might at least have so much ground of his father's heritage as might bury him. Amongst whom he found these three brethren as friends to help and aid him as far as they might in his adversity and tribulation. Howbeit the presence of all these honest citizens could in no wise persuade or frighten this madman to leave his power and extortion, and though at the first he did shew temperance in his tongue, yet of a sudden, the more they went about with gentle words to tell him his faults, the more would he fret and fume, swearing all the oaths under God, and pledging his own life and his dearest, that he little regarded the presence of the whole city, and incontinently he would command his servants to take the poor man by the ears, and carry him out of his cottage and thrust him afar off. This greatly offended all the standers-by; and then forthwith one of the brethren spake unto him somewhat boldly, saying: It is but a folly to have such affiance in your riches, and to use your tyrannous pride to threaten, when as the law is common for the poor alike, and a redress may be had by it to suppress the insolence of the rich.

These words made his harsh temper to burn more than oil on flames, or brimstone in a fire, or a Fury's scourge of whips, and he became furious to madness, saying that they should be all hanged and their laws too, before he would be subject to any person: and therewithal he called out his bandogs and great mastiffs that followed the sheep on his farm, which accustomed to eat the carrion and carcasses of dead beasts in the fields, and had been trained to set upon such as passed by the way. These he commanded should be put upon all the assistants to tear them in pieces; and as soon as they heard the accustomed hiss of their masters the shepherds, ran fiercely upon them, roused to madness, and barking very horridly, invading them on every side, wounding and tearing them, and not sparing even them that sought to fly, in so much that the more they fled to escape away, the more cruel and terrible were the dogs. It fortuned amongst all this fearful company, that in running the youngest of the three brethren stumbled at a stone, and bruising his toes fell down to the ground to be a prey to these wild and furious dogs, and they came upon him and tare him in pieces with their teeth, whereby he cried out bitterly: his other two brethren, hearing his lamentable voice, ran towards him to help him, casting their cloaks about their left arms, and took up stones to defend their brother and chase away the dogs. But all was in vain, for they could not make to cease nor drive away the fierce beasts, but they must see their brother dismembered in every part of his body; who, lying at the very point of death, desired his brethren to revenge his death against the cruel tyrant, and therewithal he gave up the ghost. The other two brethren, perceiving so great a murder, did not only despair of their only safety, but neglected their own lives and madly dressed themselves against the tyrant, and threw a great number of stones at him; but the bloody thief, exercised to such and like mischiefs, took a spear and thrust one of them clean through the body. Howbeit, although utterly destroyed, he fell not down to the ground: for the spear that came out at his back ran into the earth with the force of the thrust and sustained him up quivering in the air. By and by came one of this tyrant's servants, the most sturdiest of the rest, to help his master; and at his first coming, he took up a stone and threw it from afar at the third brother, and struck his left arm, but by reason the stone ran by the ends of his fingers it fell to the ground and did not hurt him, which chanced otherwise than all men's expectation was. Then did this fortunate chance give the young man, that was very wise, a hope for vengeance; for he feigned that his arm was greatly wounded, and spake these words unto the cruel bloodsucker: Now mayst thou, thou wretch, triumph upon the destruction of all our family; now mayst thou feed thy insatiable cruelty with the blood of three brethren; now mayst thou rejoice at the fall of thy fellow-citizens: yet think not but that how far soever thou dost remove and extend the bounds of thy land by depriving of poor men, thou shalt still have some neighbour: but how greatly am I sorry in that by the injustice of fate I have lost mine arm wherewithal I minded to cut off thy head. When he had spoken these words, the furious thief was the more enraged and drew out his dagger, and running upon the young man thought verily to have slain him: but it chanced that he had attacked one no whit weaker than he, for the young man resisted him stoutly beyond all his expectation, and buckling together by violence seized his right hand: which done, he poised the weapon, and oft striking made the rich thief to give up his guilty ghost, and to the intent the young man would escape the hands of the servants, which came running to assist their master, with the same dagger that dripped with his enemy's blood he cut his own throat. These things were signified by the strange and dreadful wonders which fortuned in the house of the wretched man, who, after he had heard these sorrowful tidings, could in no wise even silently weep, so far was he stricken into dolour, but presently taking the knife wherewith lie had but now divided the cheese and other meat for his guests, he cut his own throat with many blows like his most unhappy son, in such sort that he fell head foremost upon the board and washed away with the streams of his blood in most miserable manner those prodigious drops which had before fallen thereon.

Hereby was my master the gardener deprived of his hope, and pitying very greatly the evil fortune of the house, which in a brief moment of time had thus fallen in ruins, and getting instead of his dinner the watery tears of his eyes, and clapping oft-times together his empty hands, mounted upon my back, and so we went homeward the same way as we came. Yet was our return not free from harm: for as we passed by the way we met with a tall soldier (for so his habit and countenance declared) which was a legionary, who with proud and arrogant words spake to my master in this sort: Whither lead you this ass unladen? My master, still somewhat astonished and fearful at the strange sights which he saw before, and ignorant of the Latin tongue, rode on and spake never a word. The soldier, unable to refrain his proper insolence and offended at his silence as it were an insult, struck him with a vine-stick which he held on the shoulders, and thrust him from my back. Then my master gently made answer that he knew not his tongue and so understood not what he said; whereat the soldier angrily demanded again, but in Greek, whither he rode with his ass: Marry, quoth he, To the next city. But I, quoth the soldier, Have need of his help, to carry the trusses of our captain with the other beasts from yonder castle; and therewithal he took me by the halter, and would violently have I taken me away: but my master, wiping away from his head the blood of the blow which he received of the soldier, desired him gently and civilly to take some pity upon him, and to let him depart with his own, conjuring him by all that he hoped of good fortune, and affirming that his slow ass, well nigh dead with sickness, could scarce carry a few handfuls of herbs from his garden hard by, being very scant of breath; much less he was able to bear any greater trusses. But when he saw the soldier would in no wise be entreated, but was the more bent on his destruction, and ready with his staff to cleave my master's head with its thicker part, being desperate he fell down grovelling at his feet, under colour to touch his knees and move him to some pity; but when he saw his time, he took the soldier by the legs and cast him upon the ground: then straightway he buffeted him, thumped him, bit him, and took a stone and beat his face and his sides, so that he, being first laid along the ground, could not turn or defend himself, but only threaten that if ever he rose he would chop him in pieces. The gardener, when he heard him say so, was advised and drew out his sword which he had by his side, and when he had thrown it far away, he knocked and beat him more cruelly than he did before, in so much that the soldier as he lay all hurt with wounds could not tell by what means to save himself, but only by feigning he was dead. Then my master took the sword and mounted upon my back, riding straight in all haste to the next village; but he had no regard to go to his garden, and when he came thither, he turned into one of his friends' house and declared all the whole matter, desiring him to save his life, and to hide himself and his ass awhile in some secret place, that he might be hid for the space of two or three days, until such time as all danger were past. Then his friend, not forgetting the ancient amity between them, entertained him willingly, and tying my legs drew me up a pair of stairs into a chamber, while my master, remaining in the shop, crept into a chest and lay hidden there with the cover closed fast.

The soldier (as I afterwards learned) rose up at last as one awakened from a drunken sleep, but he could scarce go by reason of his wounds, howbeit, at length, by little and little, through aid of his staff, he came to the town; but he would not declare the matter to any person, nor complain to any justice, but inwardly digested his injury, lest he should be accused of cowardice or dastardness. Yet in the end he told some of his companions of all the matter that happened; but they advised him that he should remain for a while closed in some secret place, thinking that beside the injury which he had received, he should be accused of the breach of his faith and soldier's oath, by reason of the loss of his sword,1 and that they should diligently learn the signs and appearance of my master and me to search him out and take vengeance upon him. At last, there was an unfaithful neighbour that told them where we were: then incontinently the soldiers went to the justice, declaring that they had lost by the way a silver goblet of their captain's, very precious, and that a gardener had found it, who, refusing to render up the goblet, was hidden in one of his friends' house. By and by the magistrate, understanding the loss of the captain, and who he was, came to the doors where we were, and in a loud voice exhorted our host that it were better to deliver up my master than to incur pain of death; for most certainly he was hiding us. Howbeit, these threatenings could not enforce him to confess that he was within his doors, and he was nothing afraid, but by reason of his faithful promise, and for the safeguard of his friend, he said that he knew naught of us, nor saw he the gardener a great while. The soldiers said contrary, swearing by the deity of the Emperor that he lay there, and nowhere else. Whereby, to know the verity of the matter, the magistrates commanded their serjeants and ministers to search every corner of the house; but there they could find nobody, neither gardener nor ass. Then was there a great contention between the soldiers and our host, for they said we were within the house, calling often upon Caesar in their oaths; and he said no, and swore much and often by all the gods to the same intent. But I, that was an ass very curious and restless in my nature, when I heard so great a noise craned my neck and put my head out of a little window to learn what the stir and tumult did signify. It fortuned that one of the soldiers, spying about, perceived my shadow, whereupon he began to cry, saying that he had certainly seen me: then they were all glad and a great shouting arose, and they brought a ladder and came up into the chamber and pulled me down like a prisoner; and when they had found me, they doubted nothing of the gardener, but seeking about more narrowly, at length they found him couched in a chest. And so they brought out the poor gardener to the justices, who was committed immediately to prison, in order that he might suffer the pain of death; but they could never forbear laughing and jesting how I looked out from my window: from which, and from my shadow, is risen the common proverb of the peeping and shadow of an ass.1