Chapter 3

(Enter LYDUS from the house of BACCHIS.)

LYDUS: Open and throw back straightway this gate of hell, I do entreat. For, really, I do deem it nothing else; inasmuch as no one comes here but he whon all hopes have deserted, that he may yet be a decent person. Bacchis—no, not Bacchis is their name, but they are most determined Bacchanals. Avaunt from me, you sisters, who suck the blood of men. Richly and elegantly furnished is this house—for destruction. Soon as I beheld all this, at once I straight-way way betook myself to my heels.

And ought I to carry these things concealed in secrecy? Ought I, Pistoclerus, to conceal from your father your excesses, or your misdeeds, or your places of resort? by which you are aiming to drive your father and myself, and your own self and all your friends, to disgrace, and shame, and ruin altogether, and to destroy us all. Within yourself you entertain no awe of either me or your own self on account of the deeds which you are doing by which you have made your own father and myself as well, your friends and your connexions, to be abettors in the disgrace of your excesses. Now, before you add this mischief to the rest, I am resolved at once to tell your parent. This instant from myself will I remove this blame, and shall disclose the matter to the old gentleman, that he may forthwith draw forth his son out from this loathsome pollution. (Exit.)

(Enter MNESILOCHUS.)

MNESILOCHUS: In many ways have I thought it over with myself, and thus I think it is; a man your friend, who is a friend such as the name imports—except the Gods—nothing does excel him. By fact have I experienced it so to be. For when I departed hence to Ephesus (’tis now almost two years ago it happened), from Ephesus I sent letters hither to my friend Pistoclerus, requesting that he would find out my mistress Bacchis for me. I hear that he has found her, as my servant Chrysalus has brought me word. How aptly, too, has he framed a device against my father about the gold, that I may have abundance in my amour. I see’tis right that I should make a due return.’Tis better for you to be styled extravagant than ungrateful;

but, i’ faith, in my way of thinking at least, there’s nothing more extravagant than the ungrateful man. The former the good will praise, the latter even the bad will censure.’Twere better for an ill-doer to escape than for a benefactor to be deserted. For this reason, then, it behoves me to take the greater care; I needs must be on the watch. Now, Mnesilochus, the sample is on view, now the contest is being decided, whether you are or are not such as you ought to be; good or bad, of whichever kind; just or unjust, penurious or liberal, fretful or complying. Take you care, if you please, lest you let your servant exce. you in doing well. Whatever you shall prove, I warn you, you shall not be concealed. But see, I perceive my friend’s father and his tutor coming this way. I’ll listen what matter’tis they are upon. (He retires aside.)

(Enter LYDUS and PHILOXENUS.)

LYDUS: I’ll now make trial, whether your heart is sharpened by wisdom in your breast. Follow me.

PHILOXENUS: Whither shall I follow? Whither are you now leading me?

LYDUS: To her who has undone, utterly destroyed your single, only son.

PHILOXENUS: How now, Lydus; those are the wiser who moderate their passion.’Tis less to be wondered at if this age does some of these things than if it does not do so; I, as well, did the same in my youth.

LYDUS: Ah me! ah me! this over-indulgence has proved his ruin. For had he been without you, I should have had him trained up to moral rectitude; now, by reason of you and your trusting disposition, Pistoclerus has become abandoned.

MNESILOCHUS: (aside.) Immortal Gods! he names my friend.

What means this, that Lydus is thus exciting his master, Pistoclerus?

PHILOXENUS: ’Tis but a little time, Lydus, that a man has a desire to indulge his inclinations; the time will soon come, when he will hate himself even. Humour him; so that care is taken that he offends not beyond the line of honor, e’en suffer him.

LYDUS: I’ll suffer him not, nor, for my part, while I’m alive, will I allow him to be corrupted.

But you, who are pleading his cause for a son so profligate, was this same your own training, when you were a young man? I declare that for your first twenty years you had not even this much liberty, to move your foot out of the house even a finger’s length away from your tutor.

When it did happen so, this evil, too, was added to the evil; both pupil and preceptor were esteemed disgraced.

Before the rising of the sun had you not come to the school for exercise, no slight punishment would you have had at the hands of the master of the school.

There did they exercise themselves rather with running, wrestling, the quoit, the javelin, boxing, the ball, and leaping, rather than with harlots or with kissing;

there did they prolong their lives, and not in secret-lurking holes. Then, when from the hippodrome and school of exercise you had returned home, clad in your belted frock, upon a stool by your masters would you sit; and there, when you were reading your book, if you made a mistake in a single syllable, your skin would be made as spotted as your nurse’s gown.

MNESILOCHUS: (aside.) I’m sorely vexed, to my sorrow, that on my account these things should be said about my friend. In his innocence he incurs this suspicion for my sake.

PHILOXENUS: The manners, Lydus, now are altered.

LYDUS: That, for my part, I know full well. For formerly, a man used to receive public honors by the votes of the people, before he ceased to be obedient to one appointed his tutor.

But now-a-days, before he is seven years old, if you touch a boy with your hand, at once the child breaks his tutor’s head with his tablet. When you go to complain to the father, thus says the father to the child: Be you my own dear boy, since you can defend yourself from an injury. The tutor then is called for; Hallo! you old good-for-nothing, don’t you be touching the child for this reason, that he has behaved so boldly. and thus the despised tutor becomes just like a lantern with his oiled linen rags. Judgment pronounced, they go away thence. Can this preceptor then, on these terms, keep up his authority, if he himself is to be beaten the first?

MNESILOCHUS: (aside.) This is a severe accusation. So far as I understand his words,

’tis strange if Pistoclerus has never thumped Lydus with his fists.

LYDUS: (seeing MNESILOCHUS.) But who is it that I see standing here before the door? O Philoxenus, I would not prefer for myself to behold even the propitious Gods rather than him.

PHILOXENUS: Who’s this?

LYDUS: Why, he’s Mnesilochus, the friend of your son. He is not of a like turn of mind with him who reclines and takes his meals in brothels.

Fortunate Nicobulus! who begot him for himself.

PHILOXENUS: (advancing.) My greetings to you, Mnesilochus; I’m glad that you have arrived safe.

MNESILOCHUS: May the Gods favour you, Philoxenus.

LYDUS: He, now, was born at a lucky moment for his father; he goes to sea, attends to the interests of his family, takes care of the house, is obedient and attentive to the wish and commands of his father.

He, when but a boy, was the companion of Pistoclerus in his boyhood;’tis not by three days that he is the older in age, but his disposition is more improved by thirty years than that of the other.

PHILOXENUS: Beware of a mischief, and forbear to speak of him unjustly.

LYDUS: Hold your peace. You’re a foolish man, who cannot bear to have him badly spoken of who does badly.

But I would rather have him draw upon my mishaps than upon my savings.

PHILOXENUS: Why so?

LYDUS: Because, if he were to draw upon my mishaps, he would each day be making them less.

MNESILOCHUS: Why, Lydus, are you censuring your pupil, my friend?

LYDUS: Your friend is ruined.

MNESILOCHUS: May the Gods forbid it.

LYDUS: ’Tis so as I say. And further, I myself saw it when he was undone; I am not censuring him from hearsay.

MNESILOCHUS: What has been done by him?

LYDUS: He is disgracefully doting upon a harlot.

MNESILOCHUS: Won’t you be silent now?

LYDUS: She, too, like a tide, most voraciously swallows all up, whenever she has touched any one.

MNESILOCHUS: Where does this woman live?

LYDUS: Here. (Points to the house.)

MNESILOCHUS: Whence do they say she comes?

LYDUS: From Samos.

MNESILOCHUS: What’s her name?

LYDUS: Bacchis.

MNESILOCHUS: You are wrong, Lydus; I know the whole affair, just as it is. You are blaming Pistoclerus without reason, and in his innocence.

For he is carefully performing the business enjoined on him by his friend and companion, his sincere well-wisher. Neither is he himself in love, nor do you suppose him so.

LYDUS: Is it necessary for him carefully to perform the business enjoined upon him by his friend in this fashion—for himself, sitting down, to hold a damsel in his lap who is kissing him? Can the business thus entrusted be in no way transacted unless ever and anon he is placing his hand upon the bosom of Bacchis, or never withdraws his lips from hers? But I’m ashamed to make mention of other things which I have seen him do; when, in my presence, I saw him take most unbecoming liberties with the person of Bacchis, and yet not be at all ashamed. What need of words is there? My pupil, your friend, his son (pointing to PHILOXENUS), is ruined.

For I say that he is ruined, whose modesty in fact is lost. What need of words is there? Had I been willing to wait only a little time, that I might have had a better opportunity of viewing him, I then should, I think, have seen more than would have been proper for me to see, and for him to do.

MNESILOCHUS: (aside.) Friend, you have undone me. And ought I not to punish this woman with death? I should prefer that I should perish after some dreadful fashion.

Isn’t it the fact, you know not whom to deem faithful to yourself, or in whom to put your trust?

LYDUS: Don’t you see how much he grieves that your son, his friend, has been corrupted? and how he is afflicting himself with sorrow?

PHILOXENUS: Mnesilochus, I beg this of you, that you will influence his feelings and his disposition.

Preserve for yourself a friend as well as a son for me.

MNESILOCHUS: I fain would do so.

LYDUS: (to PHILOXENUS.) Much better, too, would you leave me here together with him.

PHILOXENUS: Mnesilochus has cares, more than enough.

LYDUS: Rate the man soundly, who disgraces me, yourself his friend, and others, by his excesses.

PHILOXENUS: (to MNESILOCHUS.) Upon you do I impose all this responsibility. Lydus, follow me this way.

LYDUS: I follow you. (Exeunt PHILOXENUS and LYDUS.)

(MNESILOCUHS, alone.)

MNESILOCHUS: Which of the two now I should think to be my greater enemy, my companion or Bacchis, is extremely doubtful. Has she chosen him in preference? Let her keep him, that’s the best. Surely, by my troth, she has done this to her own loss. For never let any one entrust to me aught that is sacred, if I don’t by an abundant example, and—assuredly love her. I’ll make her not to say that she has got hold of a person to make a fool of. But I’ll go home now and pilfer something from my father. Even to such straits will I force her, that beggary shall be the lot of —my father. But do I really now possess my wits with a mind unimpaired, who am in this fashion prating here of these things that are to come to pass? I’ faith, I’m of opinion that I’m in love, inasmuch as I know for sure I am. But still, than that she, from my abundance, should, by the scraping of a single feather, grow the richer, I’d rather outvie a beggar in begging.

Never, by Heaven, while I live, shall she make a laughing-stock of me. For I have made up my mind to pay down all the gold at once to my father. Upon me, therefore, needy and penniless, shall she fawn, at the time, when it shall be for her advantage not a whit the more than if she were saying her pretty things to a dead man at his tomb.

Beyond a doubt,’tis my fixed determination to give the gold up to my father. Likewise, I’ll entreat that, for my sake, my father won’t hurt Chrysalus, nor censure him at all on my account with respect to the gold which he has deceived him about. For’tis right that I should have a care for him, who, for my sake, has told this falsehood. (To some ATTENDANTS) Do you follow me. (Goes into his father’s house.)

(Enter PISTOCLERUS from the house of BACCHIS.)

PISTOCLERUS: (speaking to BACCHIS as he comes out.) Before other matters, Bacchis, will I give place to what you enjoin me, that I find out Mnesilochus, and bring him, together with myself, to you. But at this my mind is surprised, if my messenger has reached him, what it is that delays him. I’ll go into his house here, and see if perchance he’s at home.

(Enter MNESILOCHUS from his father’s house.)

MNESILOCHUS: (as he enters.) I’ve given up to my father all the gold. Now could I wish that she should meet me, after I am penniless, this fair one so scornful of me. Yet with what great difficulty did he grant me a pardon for Chrysalus. But I prevailed on him at last that he wouldn’t be at all angry with him.

PISTOCLERUS: (apart.) Isn’t this my friend?

MNESILOCHUS: (apart.) Isn’t this my foe that I see?

PISTOCLERUS: For sure’tis he.

MNESILOCHUS: ’Tis he.

PISTOCLERUS: (apart.) I’ll go to meet him, and I’ll mend my pace. (Aloud.) Health to you, Mnesilochus!

MNESILOCHUS: Hail!

PISTOCLERUS: As you are arrived safe from abroad, a dinner must be given.

MNESILOCHUS: A dinner pleases me not, which excites my choler.

PISTOCLERUS: Has any vexation befallen you on your arrival?

MNESILOCHUS: Aye, and a very grievous one.

PISTOCLERUS: From what quarter?

MNESILOCHUS: From a person whom heretofore I had supposed to be my friend.

PISTOCLERUS: Many live after that manner and method, who, when you think them to be friends, are found false with their deceitfulness, strong in their talking, slothful in their doing, of faith infirm. Not one is there whom they don’t envy on their enjoying prosperity; through their own indolence do they themselves take right good care that no envy is directed against them.

MNESILOCHUS: By my troth, you surely understand their ways most thoroughly. But still this one misfortune do they find from their bad disposition; they are the friends of no one, while they themselves are all at enmity against themselves; and these, while they are deceiving themselves, in their foolishness imagine that others are deceived. Just so is he whom I supposed to be as much a friend to me as I am to my own self.

He, so far as in him lay, has taken all care to do whatever injury he could towards me, to turn all my own resources against me.

PISTOCLERUS: This same must me a bad man.

MNESILOCHUS: I judge that so he is.

PISTOCLERUS: Troth now, prithee, do tell me who it is.

MNESILOCHUS: He lives on good terms with yourself. But were he not; so, I would entreat you to do him whatever harm you could do.

PISTOCLERUS: Only tell me the person, who he is; if I don’t do him an injury, some way or other, do you say that I’m the greatest of cowards.

MNESILOCHUS: The person’s a bad one, but he’s your friend, i’ faith.

PISTOCLERUS: So much the rather, then, tell me who he is. In good sooth, I set no value on the esteem of a worthless person.

MNESILOCHUS: I appear, then, not to be able to avoid disclosing to you his name.

Pistoclerus, you have utterly undone me, your friend.

PISTOCLERUS: How’s that?

MNESILOCHUS: How’s that? Did I not send you a letter from Ephesus about my mistress, that you should find her out for me?

PISTOCLERUS: I own you did; and I have discovered her.

MNESILOCHUS: How now? Was there not a choice for you of other Courtesans in Athens, for you to form engagements with, instead of with her whom I had recommended to your care?

Could you yourself begin to love, and to contrive an injury against myself?

PISTOCLERUS: Are you in your senses?

MNESILOCHUS: I have found out the whole affair from your tutor; don’t deny it. You’ve ruined me.

PISTOCLERUS: What, still upbraiding me without reason with these rebukes of yours?

MNESILOCHUS: Why? You’re in love with Bacchis.

PISTOCLERUS: But look you, two persons of the name of Bacchis are living here in this house.

MNESILOCHUS: How, two?

PISTOCLERUS: Aye, and the two are sisters.

MNESILOCHUS: You are now designedly telling idle stories.

PISTOCLERUS: In fine, if you persist in thinking there’s but little confidence in me, I’ll take you upon my shoulders, and carry you hence into their house.

MNESILOCHUS: Well, I’ll go; but stay a moment.

PISTOCLERUS: I will not stay, and you shall not be holding me under a false suspicion.

MNESILOCHUS: I follow you then. (They go into the house of BACCHIS.)