Chapter 4

(Enter a PARASITE and a BOY.)

PARASITE: Of a debauched and unscrupulous fellow am I the Parasite—a Captain, who has brought his mistress with him from Samos.

Now he has ordered me to go to her, and make enquiry whether she will pay back the gold, or whether she will depart together with him. You, boy, who have for some time been with her, whichever of these is the house, do you knock. Go to the door forthwith. (The BOY goes to knock.) Are you coming back from there, you hangdog? How the graceless scoundrel does knock!

You can gobble up a loaf three feet wide, and yet you don’t know how to knock at a door. (He calls out and knocks violently.) Is there any one in-doors? Hallo! is there any one here? Does any one open this door? Who’s coming out?

(Enter PISTOCLERUS from the house.)

PISTOCLERUS: What’s the matter? What’s this knocking? Why, what the confounded torment possesses you, to be exerting your strength in this fashion on another person’s door?

You’ve almost broken the door down. What do you want now?

PARASITE: Young gentleman, my respects.

PISTOCLERUS: And my respects. But whom are you looking for?

PARASITE: For Bacchis.

PISTOCLERUS: But which of them?

PARASITE: Of that I know nothing, only it’s Bacchis. In a few words, the Captain, Cleomachus, has sent me to her, either for her to pay back the tyro hundred golden Philippeans, or to go hence this day, together with him, to Elatia.

PISTOCLERUS: She doesn’t go: she says she shan’t go. Begone, and take back this message—she loves another person, and not him. Take yourself off from the house.

PARASITE: You’re too hasty.

PISTOCLERUS: And would you know now hasty I am?

By my faith, your phiz isn’t far off from a mishap; so much are these teeth-crackers (looking at his fists) longing in my fists.

PARASITE: (aside.) So far as I understand his words,’tis a warning to me, lest he should knock my nut-crackers out of my jaws. (To PISTOCLERUS.) At your own peril, I’ll tell him this.

PISTOCLERUS: What do you say?

PARASITE: I’ll tell him that which you bade me.

PISTOCLERUS: Who are you? Tell me.

PARASITE: I’m the skill of his body

PISTOCLERUS: He needs must be a scampish fellow, who has got so worthless a skin.

PARASITE: He’ll be coming here, swollen up with wrath.

PISTOCLERUS: I wish he may burst.

PARASITE: (about to go.) Is there anything you want?

PISTOCLERUS: Be off; you must do so this instant.

PARASITE: Good-bye, teeth-cracker. (Exit.)

PISTOCLERUS: And you, skin of his body, good-bye! This matter has come to such a point, that what advice to give my friend about his mistress, I know not; who, in his pet, has given up all the gold to his father, and not a coin is there that may be paid to the Captain.

But I’ll step aside, for the door makes a noise. O, here’s Mnesilochus coming out, and pensive, too. (He stands apart.)

(Enter MNESILOCHUS from the house of BACCHIS.)

MNESILOCHUS: Insolent, of a froward, passionate, ungovernable, inconsiderate disposition, without reason and moderation, am I; without fine principles of rectitude and honor, hard of belief, powerless to control my passions, born of a temper ill-disposed, unamiable and ungracious is my life. In fine, I am that which I could wish others to be. There’s not a person more worthless, or more unworthy for the Gods to bless, or for men to love or to associate with.

’Tis more just that I should have enemies than friends—’tis more reasonable that the bad should give me their assistance than the good.

There’s not a person more deserving of all the reproaches that are befitting worthless men, than I, who have given up to my father the money that was in my power. Could this be believed by any one whatever? Am I not a madman, who have miserably undone myself and the device of Chrysalus?

PISTOCLERUS: (aside.) He must now be consoled by me; I’ll accost him. (Aloud.) Hallo, Mnesilochus! what’s the matter?

MNESILOCHUS: I’m ruined.

PISTOCLERUS: May the Gods grant better things!

MNESILOCHUS: I’m ruined.

PISTOCLERUS: Won’t you hold your tongue, simpleton?

MNESILOCHUS: Hold my tongue?

PISTOCLERUS: You are not now quite right in your senses.

MNESILOCHUS: I’m undone. Many sharp and poignant woes are now arising in my breast. Did I not put faith in that accusation? Without any cause was I angry with you.

PISTOCLERUS: Come, come, do have a good heart.

MNESILOCHUS: Whence have it? A dead man is of more value than I am.

PISTOCLERUS: The Captain’s Parasite came here, just now, to fetch the gold hence. I drove the fellow away from this door and from this fair one, and packed him off through my harsh language.

MNESILOCHUS: But of what service is that to me? Wretch that I am, what shall I do? I have nothing; and he certainly will carry her off.

PISTOCLERUS: By my faith, if I had the means, I’d engage not.

MNESILOCHUS: I know you’d give it me; I know your ways; and were you not in love, I should now have the very greatest possible confidence in your assistance. At present, you yourself have more than enough of your own business, for me to suppose that you, who are in want yourself; are able to give me any assistance.

PISTOCLERUS: Do but hold your tongue: some Divinity will favour us.

MNESILOCHUS.: Nonsense. (Moves as if going.)

PISTOCLERUS: Do stay. (Takes hold of him.)

MNESILOCHUS: What’s the matter?

PISTOCLERUS: Why, I see Chrysalus here, your main resource.

(Enter CHRYSALUS, at a distance.)

CHRYSALUS: (to himself.) It’s right this man (pointing to himself) should be worth his weight in gold: it’s fair that a statue of gold should be erected for him. For, this day, two exploits have I achieved; with twofold spoils have I been graced. So cleverly have I gulled my elder master this day, that he has been made a fool of. The crafty old blade, by my crafty tricks, have I compelled and constrained to believe me in everything.

Then, for the son of the old gentleman, my master here in love, together with whom I drink, with whom I eat and go a-courting, I have procured regal and golden trea sures, that he may take from thence at home, and not go seeking abroad. Those Parmenos and those Syruses, please me not, who filch some two or three minae from their masters. There’s nothing more worthless than a servant without skill—worthless, if he has not a breast mightily well-stocked, so that, whenever there is necessity, he may draw his supply from his own breast. No one can be a person well to do unless he understands both how to do good and how to do evil. With rogues he must be a rogue; with thieves let him filch whatever he can. It befits him who is truly wise, to be a person that can shift his very skin.

Good with the good let him be, bad with the bad: just as things are, so let him ever frame his humour. But I should like to know how much gold my master has taken for himself, and what he has given up to his father.

If he is a prudent person, he has made a Hercules of his parent: he has given him the tenth part, and has kept back nine for himself. But, see! the person whom I was looking for; he meets me most opportunely. (To MNESILOCHUS.) Has any of your money fallen down, my master, that thus, in silence, you are looking down upon the ground?

Why do I see you two sad and sorrowful?

I like it not; and’tis not without some reason. Are you going now to give me any answer?

MNESILOCHUS: I’m undone, Chrysalus.

CHRYSALUS: Perhaps you took too little of the gold.

MNESILOCHUS: How, a plague, too little? Why, yes, indeed, a very great deal less than too little.

CHRYSALUS: Why the mischief then, simpleton, since by my skill an opportunity was procured for that very purpose, that you might take as much as you pleased, did you thus take it up with the tips of two fingers? Or, didn’t you know how rarely an opportunity of that kind presents itself to a person?

MNESILOCHUS: You are mistaken.

CHRYSALUS: Why, surely,’tis you yourself that were mistaken, when you dip’t your fingers in not deep enough.

MNESILOCHUS: I’ faith, you’d upbraid me more than now you do, if you knew the matter better. I’m undone.

CHRYSALUS: My mind is now foreboding further mischief from those words.

MNESILOCHUS: I’m ruined.

CHRYSALUS: How so?

MNESILOCHUS: Because I’ve given all up to my father, with every particle of it.

CHRYSALUS: Given it up?

MNESILOCHUS: Given it up.

CHRYSALUS: What, all?

MNESILOCHUS: Every jot.

CHRYSALUS: We are done for. How came it into your mind to do this deed so foul?

MNESILOCHUS: I had a suspicion, Chrysalus, by reason of a charge, that Bacchis and he (pointing to PISTOCLERUS) had been playing me false; for that reason, in my anger, I gave up all the gold to my father.

CHRYSALUS: What did you say to your father when you gave up the gold?

MNESILOCHUS: That I had at once received this gold from his host, Archidemides.

CHRYSALUS: Eh! by that speech you have this day consigned Chrysalus to the torture; for, when he shall set eyes on me, the old gentleman will carry me off that instant to the executioner.

MNESILOCHUS: I’ve besought my father.

CERYS.: I suppose, to do, in fact, the thing that I was speaking of?

MNESILOCHUS: Nay, not to punish you, or to blame you at all on account of this business. And with some difficulty I’ve prevailed. Now, Chrysalus, this must be your care.

CHRYSALUS: What do you wish should be my care?

MNESILOCHUS: That once again you should make a second inroad upon the old gentleman. Contrive, devise, invent whatever you please; frame your plans, so that this day you may cleverly deceive the old man unawares, and carry off the gold.

CHRYSALUS: It scarcely seems possible to be done.

MNESILOCHUS: Set about it, and you’ll easily effect it.

CHRYSALUS: How the plague easily, for me, whom he has this moment caught out in a lie? Should I entreat him not to believe me at all, he would not venture even to believe me in that.

MNESILOCHUS: Aye, and if you were to hear what things he said about you in my presence.

CHRYSALUS: What did he say?

MNESILOCHUS: That if you were to say that this sun was the sun, he would believe it was the moon, and that that is the night which is now the day.

CHRYSALUS: By my troth, I’ll bamboozle the old chap right well this very day, so that he shan’t have said that for nothing.

PISTOCLERUS: Now, what would you have us do?

CHRYSALUS: Why, nothing, except that I beg you’ll still love on. As for the rest, ask of me as much gold as you please; I’ll find it you. Of what use is it for me to have the name of Chrysalus, unless I give proofs by fact?

But now, tell me, Mnesilochus, how much gold is requisite for you.

MNESILOCHUS: There’s occasion for two hundred pieces at once, to pay the Captain for Bacchis.

CHRYSALUS: I’ll find it you.

MNESILOCHUS: Then we have need of some for current expenses.

CHRYSALUS: Aye, aye, I wish us to do each thing deliberately; when I’ve accomplished the one, then I’ll set about the other. First, for the two hundred pieces, I shall direct my engine of war against the old gentleman.

If with that engine I batter down the tower and the outworks, straight at the gate that instant I’ll attack the old town and the new one; if I take it, then carry to your friends the gold in baskets, just as your heart wishes.

PISTOCLERUS: Our hearts are with you, Chrysalus.

CHRYSALUS: Now, do you go in-doors to Bacchis, Pistoclerus, and quickly bring out—

PISTOCLERUS: What?

CHRYSALUS: A pen, some wax, tablets, and some cord.

PISTOCLERUS: I’ll have them here this instant. (Goes into the house.)

MNESILOCHUS: What now are you about to do? Do tell me that.

CHRYSALUS: Let a breakfast be prepared; there will be you two, and your mistress will make a third with you.

MNESILOCHUS: Just as you say.

CHRYSALUS: Pistoclerus has no mistress?

MNESILOCHUS: O yes, she’s here; he’s in love with the one sister, I with the other, both of the name of Bacchis.

CHRYSALUS: What were you going to say?

MNESILOCHUS: This; how we are to manage.

CHRYSALUS: Where are your couches laid out?

MNESILOCHUS: Why o you ask that?

CHRYSALUS: So the matter stands; I wish to be informed. You know not what I am about to do, nor what a great exploit I shall attempt.

MINES.: Give me your hand, and follow me close, to the door. Peep in. (CHRYSALUS looks in at the door of the house of BACCHIS.)

CHRYSALUS: Hurra!’Tis a very pretty place, this, and exactly as I could wish it to be. (Re-enter PISTOCLERUS, with pen and tablets.)

PISTOCLERUS: The things that you ordered—what’s ordered for a good purpose is forthwith done by the obedient.

CHRYSALUS: What have you brought?

PISTOCLERUS: Everything that you bade me bring.

CHRYSALUS: (to MNESILOCHUS.) Do you take the pen at once, and these tablets.

MNESILOCHUS: (taking them.) What then?

CHRYSALUS: Write there what I shall bid you; for I wish you to write for this reason, that your father may know the hand when he reads it.

Write now.

MNESILOCHUS: What shall I write?

CHRYSALUS: Health to your father, in your own language. (MNESILOCHUS writes.)

PISTOCLERUS: Suppose he were to write disease and death, in preference, that would be much better.

CHRYSALUS: Don’t you interrupt us.

MNESILOCHUS: What you have ordered is now written on the wax.

CHRYSALUS: Tell me in what terms.

MNESILOCHUS: Mnesilochus sends health to his father.

CHRYSALUS: Write this, too, quickly:

My father, Chrysalus is always and everywhere talking at me, and in no measured terms, because I gave you up the gold, and because I did not cheat you of it. (MNESILOCHUS writes.)

PISTOCLERUS: Stop till he has written it.

CHRYSALUS: It befits the hand of a lover to be active.

PISTOCLERUS: I’ faith, that hand is more active by far at lavishing than at writing.

MNESILOCHUS: Say on; that’s written down.

CHRYSALUS: Now, my dear father, do you henceforth be on your guard against him, for he is forming knavish plans to deprive you of the gold, and has declared that he will have it beyond a doubt. Write legibly.

MNESILOCHUS: You only dictate. (Writes.)

CHRYSALUS: And he promises that he will give this gold to me, for me to give away to naughty women, and to consume it and live like a Greek in dens of infamy. But, father, do you take care that he does not impose on you this day; I entreat you, do beware.

MNESILOCHUS: Only say on.

CHRYSALUS: Just write on, then.

MNESILOCHUS: Only say what I am to write

CHRYSALUS: (MNESILOCHUS writing.) But, father, what you promised me I beg that you will remember, that you will not beat him, but keep him in chains at your house at home. Do you give me the wax and cord forthwith. Come, fasten it, and seal it in an instant.

MNESILOCHUS: (sealing the tablets.) Prithee, what use is there in this writing after such a fashion, that he is to give no credence to you, and to keep you in chains at home?

CHRYSALUS: Because it pleases me so. Can’t you possibly take care of your own self, and have no thought about me? In confidence in myself I undertook the task, and at my own peril do I carry on the matter.

MNESILOCHUS: You say what’s true.

CHRYSALUS: Give me the tablets.

MNESILOCHUS: (giving them.) Take them.

CHRYSALUS: Give attention now; Mnesilochus, and you, Pistoclerus, do you take care that each of you goes at once and reclines on his couch with his mistress; so’tis requisite; and on that same spot where the couches are now laid, do you forthwith commence to carouse.

PISTOCLERUS: Anything else?

CHRYSALUS: This, and this especially: when you shall have once taken your places together, don’t you arise anyhow, until the signal shall be given by me.

PISTOCLERUS: O skilful commander!

CHRYSALUS: You ought by this time to have taken your second draught.

MNESILOCHUS: Capital; let’s go.

CHRYSALUS: Do you take care of your duty, and I’ll do mine. (MNESILOCHUS and PISTOCLERUS go into the house.)

(CHRYSALUS, alone.)

CHRYSALUS: A tremendously great business am I undertaking, and I have my fears how in this one day I may accomplish it. But now I have occasion for the old blade to be fierce and savage at me. For it suits not this plan of mine that the old fellow should be calm when he has beheld me in his presence. I’ll turn him about this day, finely, if I live. I’ll have him parched as well as ever pea was parched. I’ll walk before the door, that when he comes out, at once as he comes up, I may put the letters in his hand. (Stands near the door of BACCHIS.)

(Enter NICOBULUS, at a distance.)

NICOBULUS: This is a matter of great vexation to me, that Chrysalus has thus escaped me this day.

CHRYSALUS: (aside.) I’m all right: the old fellow is in a passion. Now’s my time for me to accost my man.

NICOBULUS: Who speaks hard by? (Looking round.) Why surely this is Chrysalus, I think.

CHRYSALUS: (aside.) I’ll accost him.

NICOBULUS: My honest servant, hail to you. What’s doing now? How soon do I set sail for Ephesus, to bring back the gold home from Theotimus? What—silent? I swear by all the Gods, if I didn’t love my son so much as to wish everything done for him that he desires that your sides should be wealed now right well with rods, and that in irons at the mill you should be lingering out your life. I’ve learnt of Mnesilochus all your wicked pranks.

CHRYSALUS: Has he accused me?’Tis very good; I am a bad one, I am a cursed one—a wicked one. Only reflect upon the matter. I’ll utter not one word.

NICOBULUS: What? Hangdog, do you even threaten me?

CHRYSALUS: You’ll find out before long what sort of man he is. He ordered me just now to carry this letter to you. He requested that that which is there written may be done.

NICOBULUS: Give it me.

CHRYSALUS: Take notice of the seal. (Gives him the tablets.)

NICOBULUS: I know it. Where is he himself?

CHRYSALUS: I don’t know.

I ought to know nothing now; I’ve forgotten everything. I know that I’m a slave; I know not even that which I do know. (Aside.) Now from the springe this thrush is catching at the worm; he’ll be finely noosed this day, so well I’ve set the snare.

NICOBULUS: Stay here but a moment; I’ll return to you directly, Chrysalus. (Goes into his house.)

CHRYSALUS: How he does dissemble with me; how ignorant I am of the business he’s about. He has gone to fetch slaves from in-doors to bind me. The ship speeds prosperously on; finely, too, is this craft boarding it. But I’ll hold my tongue, for I hear the door opening.

(Re-enter NICOBULUS, with SLAVES carrying fetters.)

NICOBULUS: Artamo, do you fasten the hands of that fellow this very instant. (The SLAVES bind him.)

CHRYSALUS: What have I done?

NICOBULUS: Pitch your fist into him if he mutters a word. (To CHRYSALUS, pointing at the tablets.) What does this letter say?

CHRYSALUS: Why do you ask me? As I received it from him, so I’ve brought it sealed to you.

NICOBULUS: Come now, you rascal, have you not shamefully abused my son in your talk, because he gave me up that gold, and said that you would still take that gold away from me by some knavish trick?

CHRYSALUS: Have I said so?

NICOBULUS: You have.

CHRYSALUS: What person is there, who says that I’ve said so?

NICOBULUS: Hold your tongue. No person says so; this letter which you have brought me accuses you. See,’tis this that requests you to be chained. (Points to the open tablets.)

CHRYSALUS: Ah! your son has been making a Bellerophon of me; I myself brought this letter, for the purpose that I might be bound. Be it so.

NICOBULUS: This I am doing for this reason, because you persuade my son to live like a Greek with you, you thrice-dotted villain.

CHRYSALUS: (aside.) O fool, fool, you know not that you are at this moment on sale;

and that you are standing on the very stone as the auctioneer puts you up.

NICOBULUS: (overhearing him.) Answer me; who is selling me?

CHRYSALUS: He whom the Gods favour dies in youth, while he is in his health, has his senses and judgment sound. This person (pointing to NICOBULUS), if any God had favoured him, ought to have been dead more than ten years—aye, more than twenty years ago.

’Tis for long, he has walked, a nuisance, on the earth; so devoid is he of either judgment or sense. He is of as much value as a rotten mushroom is.

NICOBULUS: Do you think that I am a nuisance to the earth? Away with him in-doors, and tie him tightly to the post. You shall never take away any gold from here.

CHRYSALUS: No, but you’ll soon be giving it me.

NICOBULUS: I, give it you?

CHRYSALUS: You’ll be entreating me, too, of your own accord to receive it, when you shall come to know this accuser of mine, in how great danger and in what a dreadful situation he is. Then will you be offering his liberty to Chrysalus; but I certainly shan’t accept it.

NICOBULUS: Tell me, source of mischief, tell me, in what danger is my son Mnesilochus.

CHRYSALUS: Follow me this way; I’ll soon let you know.

NICOBULUS: Where on earth shall I follow you?

CHRYSALUS: Only three steps.

NICOBULUS: Aye, ten even.

CHRYSALUS: Come, then, Artamo, do you open you this door out a very little way; softly, don’t make it creak. (The door of the house of BACCHIS is opened.) That’s enough. Now, step you hither. (To NICOBULUS, who looks in.) Do you see the entertainment?

NICOBULUS: (still looking in.) I see Pistoclerus and Bacchis right opposite.

CHRYSALUS: Who are upon that other couch?

NICOBULUS: (looking on the other side.) Wretch that I am, I’m undone.

CHRYSALUS: Do you recognize that person?

NICOBULUS: I do recognize him.

CHRYSALUS: Now tell me, if you please, does that woman seem of handsome appearance?

NICOBULUS: Very much so.

CHRYSALUS: Well, do you take her to be a courtesan?

NICOBULUS: Why not?

CHRYSALUS: You are mistaken.

NICOBULUS: Who is she then, prithee?

CHRYSALUS: You’ll find out from me. indeed, you’ll get no more information to-day.

(Enter CLEOMACHUS, at a distance.)

CLEOMACHUS: (aloud.) Is this Mnesilochus, the son of Nicobulus, by force to detain my own mistress? What proceeding is this?

NICOBULUS: Who’s this?

CHRYSALUS: (aside.) This Captain’s opportunely come for me.

CLEOMACHUS: He doesn’t consider that I am a soldier, but a woman, who cannot defend myself and mine. But may neither Bellona nor Mars ever put confidence in me, if I don’t put him out of life, if I meet him, or if I don’t make him lose possession of his existence.

NICOBULUS: Chrysalus, who’s this that’s threatening my son?

CHRYSALUS: This is the husband of that woman with whom he is now reclining.

NICOBULUS: What! The husband?

CHRYSALUS: The husband, I say.

NICOBULUS: Prithee, is she married then?

CHRYSALUS: You’ll know before very long.

NICOBULUS: Wretch that I am; I’m utterly undone.

CHRYSALUS: How now? Does Chrysalus seem such a villain to you?

Come, chain me now, and do listen to your son. Didn’t I tell you that you would discover what sort of person he is?

NICOBULUS: What shall I do now?

CHRYSALUS: Order me at once to be released, if you please; for, if I’m not released, he’ll just now be overpowering the young man in our presence.

CLEOMACHUS: There’s no gain that I should this day take so much delight in making, as I should in falling upon him as he reclines with her, so that I might kill them both.

CHRYSALUS: (to NICOBULUS.) Don’t you hear what he says Why don’t you order me to be released?

NICOBULUS: (to the SLAVES.) Unbind him. I’m ruined; wretch that I am! I’m in a dreadful fright.

CLEOMACHUS: Then I’d make her, who publicly puts up her person for sale, not to say that she has got a person for her to laugh at.

CHRYSALUS: (to NICOBULUS.) You may make terms with him for a little money.

NICOBULUS: Make terms, then, I beg, for what you like; so that he mayn’t, in our presence, fall upon the young man, or kill him outright.

CLEOMACHUS: Unless the two hundred Philippeans are repaid to me at once, I’ll this instant swallow the lives of them both outright.

NICOBULUS: (to CHRYSALUS.) Make terms with him, if you can; prithee, do make haste; agree for any sum you like.

CHRYSALUS: I’ll go, and do it carefully. (Goes up to CLEOMACHUS.) Why are you exclaiming so?

CLEOMACHUS: Where’s your master?

CHRYSALUS: Nowhere; I don’t know. Do you wish the two hundred pieces to be promised you at once, so as to make no riot or disturbance here?

CLEOMACHUS: There’s nothing that I would desire more.

CHRYSALUS: And that I may heap many a curse upon you?

CLEOMACHUS: Just as you please.

CHRYSALUS: (aside.) How the villain does cringe.

(To CLEOMACHUS.) This is the father of Mnesilochus: follow me; he shall promise it you. Do you ask for the gold. As to the rest, a word’s enough. (They go up to NICOBULUS.)

NICOBULUS: What has been done?

CHRYSALUS: I’ve struck the bargain for two hundred Philippeans.

NICOBULUS: Well done! Goddess Salvation, thou hast saved me. Well, how soon am I to say I’ll pay it?

CHRYSALUS: (to CLEOMACHUS.) Do you ask it of him; and (to NICOBULUS) do you promise it him.

NICOBULUS: I promise it. (To CLEOMACHUS.) Come, ask me.

CLEOMACHUS: Will you give me two hundred golden Philippean pieces, lawful money?

CHRYSALUS: They shall be given, say: do answer him.

NICOBULUS: I’ll give them.

CHRYSALUS: Well, now, filthy fellow is there anything owing to you?

Why are you plaguing him? Why are you frightening him about death? Both I and he wish you every ill luck. If you have a sword, still we have a spit at home; with which, in fact, if you provoke me,

I’ll make you more full of holes than a rat’s skin when caught in a trap. I’ faith, for my part, some time since I found out what suspicion it was that tormented you; namely, that he was with that wife of yours.

CLEOMACHUS: Yes; and so he is.

CHRYSALUS: So may Jupiter, Juno, Ceres, Minerva, Hope, Latona, Ops, Virtue, Venus, Castor, Pollux, Mars, Mercury, Hercules,

Summanus, the Sun, Saturn, and all the Deities, prosper me, he neither reclines with her, nor walks, nor kisses, nor does that which is wont to be reported.

NICOBULUS: (aside.) How he does swear! He’s saving me, however, by his perjury.

CLEOMACHUS: Where then, at this moment, is Mnesilochus?

CHRYSALUS: His father has sent him into the country.

And she has gone hence to the citadel, to see the temple of Minerva. The door’s open now; go in, and see if he’s there.

CLEOMACHUS: I’ll be off to the Forum next.

CHRYSALUS: Or rather, by my troth, to very perdition.

CLEOMACHUS: Am I to demand this gold to-day?

CHRYSALUS: Demand it, and go hang yourself; don’t you suppose, you worthless fellow, that we shall be entreating of you. (Exit CLEOMACHUS.)

He’s taken himself off. Permit me, master, I entreat you by the immortal Gods, to go in-doors here to your son. (Pointing to the house of BACCHIS.)

NICOBULUS: But why go in there?

CHRYSALUS: That with many words I may rebuke him, since after this fashion he has been going on this way.

NICOBULUS: Well, I beg you will do so, Chrysalus; and I entreat you not to spare him in your talking to him.

CHRYSALUS: And do you instruct even myself? Isn’t it sufficient, if this day he shall hear from me more harsh things than ever Clinias heard from Demetrius? (Goes into the house of BACCHIS.)

NICOBULUS: This servant of mine is very like a running eye; if you have it not, you don’t wish for it or desire it;

if you have it, you can’t keep off from rubbing it. But if he hadn’t, by lucky chance, been here to-day, the Captain would have surprised Mnesilochus with his wife, and have killed him as an adulterer detected in the fact. Now, in a manner have I ransomed my son with the two hundred Philippeans which I have promised to give to the Captain; which, however, I shall not rashly pay him down, before I have met with my son. By my troth, I’ll never rashly give credence in anything to Chrysalus. But I have a mind even once again to read over this letter;’tis right that when a letter is sealed we should give credence to it. (Goes into his house.)

(Enter CHRYSALUS from the house of BACCHIS.)

CHRYSALUS: The two brothers, the sons of Atreus, are said to have done a most famous deed, when, with arms, and horses, and an army, and with chosen warriors, and with ships a thousand in number, after the tenth year, they subdued Pergamus, the native land of Priam, founded by hands divine. Not more decidedly did it fall by the engine of war, than I shall storm my master here, without a fleet, and without an army and so great array of soldiers. I have won, I have taken by storm this gold from his father for my master’s son, in his amour. Now, before the old man comes here, I wish to lament until he does come out. O Troy! O my country! O Pergamus! O Priam! old man, you are undone, you, who’ll be wretchedly and shockingly choused out of four hundred golden Philippeans.

For those tablets, sealed on the one side and on the other, they are not tablets, but the horse which the Greeks sent, of wood. Pistoclerus is the Epeus; from him were these received. Mnesilochus is the Simon left behind. Behold him! not in Achilles’ tomb, but on a couch he reclines: he has Bacchis with him; just as the other formerly had the fire with which to give the signal;

so now does she inflame himself. I am Ulysses, by whose advice they do these things. Then, the characters which there are written, are the soldiers in this horse, armed and of high courage. So even thus far has the matter prospered with me. This horse, too, will be making his attack, not on a citadel, but on a coffer A ruin, a destruction, a cleaner-out of the old man’s gold, will this horse prove this day.

To this silly old man of ours, in fact, I give the name of Ilium; the Captain is Menelaüs; I, Agamemnon; I, too, am Ulysses, the son of Laërtes; Mnesilochus is Alexander, who will be the destruction of his father’s fortunes; he has borne off the Helen, on whose account I am now carrying on the siege of Ilium. For there I have heard say that Ulysses was both bold and full of mischief, just as I am.

I have been detected in my tricks—he, discovered in a beggar’s guise, had almost perished, while he was spying out there the doings of the Trojans. Similarly has it happened to myself to-day. I have been bound, but by my devices I have redeemed myself; he, too, preserved himself by artifice. I have heard that there were three destinies attending Troy, which were fatal to it; if the statue should be lost from the citadel; whereas the second was the death of Troilus;

the third was when the upper lintel of the Phrygian gate should be demolished. Just so are there three fatalities for this Troy of ours, corresponding with those three; for, first of all, when, a short time since, as I told our old gentleman the lying story about his host, and the gold, and the bark, then, that instant, did I steal the statue from the citadel. And even then two fatalities were remaining, and no further had I taken this city.

Afterwards, when I carried the letter to the old man, then I killed my Troilus. When he supposed, just now, that Mnesilochus was with the Captain’s wife, from that, with difficulty, did I disengage myself. And that danger do I compare to what they say, how that Ulysses, recognized by Helen, was betrayed to Hecuba. But as, in olden time, by his coaxing arts, he liberated himself from her, and persuaded her to let him go, so I, by my devices, have rescued myself from the danger, and have deceived the old man. Afterwards, I engaged with the blustering Captain, who, unarmed, takes cities with his words, and there I repulsed my man. Then I engaged in fight with the old gentleman; straightway by one lying device did I vanquish him; by one blow, in a moment, did I take the spoils away from him. He now will give the two hundred Philippean pieces to the Captain, which he has promised that he will give. Now, I have occasion for another two hundred, to be distributed when Ilium is taken, that there may be the usual draught of honeyed wine with which the soldiers may celebrate their triumph. But this Priam is far superior to him of old. Not fifty sons only has he, but four hundred, and all choice ones, without a blemish;

all these this day will I cut off at two single blows. Now, if there were any purchaser for this Priam of ours, I would sell the old fellow in the lump, whom I have on sale the moment that J shall have taken the city. But, lo! I see our Priam standing before the door; I’ll go and speak to him.

(Enter NICOBULUS from his house.)

NICOBULUS: Pray, whose voice is it that sounds near me?

CHRYSALUS: O Nicobulus!

NICOBULUS: What’s the matter?

CHRYSALUS: O, capital!

NICOBULUS: Well, have you done aught of what I sent you upon?

CHRYSALUS: What—ask you that? Step closer this way.

NICOBULUS: (coming nearer.) Well, I do come closer.

CHRYSALUS: I am an excellent pleader. By rebuking him, and by whatever hard language I really was able to think of, I forced the fellow to tears.

NICOBULUS: What did he say?

CHRYSALUS: He uttered not a word: crying, he listened in silence to what I was saying; in silence he wrote down on his tablets; these sealed he gave to me;

he bade me deliver them to you. (Gives him the tablets.) But I am afraid that they sing to the same tune that the former ones did. Observe the seal, is it his?

NICOBULUS: I recognize it. I’d like to read them over. (Goes to a distance.)

CHRYSALUS: Read them through. (Aside.) Now is the upper lintel being cut down, now is the destruction of Troy near at hand. The wooden horse is shaking it right cleverly.

NICOBULUS: Chrysalus, just step here while I am reading these through.

CHRYSALUS: Prithee, what need is there for me to be near you?

NICOBULUS:

That you may know what’s written here.

CHRYSALUS: I don’t care, and I don’t wish to know.

NICOBULUS: Still, do come here.

CHRYSALUS: What need is there?

NICOBULUS: Hold your tongue.

CHRYSALUS: I’ll stay.

CHRYSALUS: I won’t, I say.

NICOBULUS: But I will, I say.

CHRYSALUS: What need is there?

NICOBULUS: Still do you only do that which I bid you.

CHRYSALUS: I’ll come.’Tis right to do so; your own servant ought to be obedient at your command. (Goes up to him.)

NICOBULUS: (looking at the tablets.) Heyday! he hasn’t been sparing of his wax or pen. But whatever it is, I’m resolved to read it through. Attend to me, please, this very instant.

CHRYSALUS: When you choose, read on; I devote to you the attention of my ears.

NICOBULUS: (looking close.) Bless me! the letters are small.

CHRYSALUS: To one, indeed, who cannot see well with his eyes but they are quite large enough for one who can see well.

NICOBULUS: Give your attention then.

(He reads.) Father, I beseech you, do give two hundred Philippeans to Chrysalus, if you wish me to be safe or alive for you—

CHRYSALUS: By my troth, really a very great mistake,

I tell you.

NICOBULUS: What’s the matter?

CHRYSALUS: He hasn’t first written the salutation to you.

NICOBULUS: (looking.) I don’t see it anywhere.

CHRYSALUS: Even from its very commencement the letter is an impertinent one.

If you are wise, you’ll not give it; but at the best, if you give it him, why, let him find out some other porter for himself, if he is wise; for I won’t carry it if you order me ever so much. I’ve been quite enough suspected as it is, when I was guiltless of a fault.

NICOBULUS: Listen on now, while I read through what’s written.

(Reading.) I am ashamed, father, to appear before you in your presence; such disgraceful conduct of mine have I heard that you are aware of, that I have formed an intercourse with the wife of a strange Captain.

By my troth, you are not joking there; for I have saved your life from the consequences of this foul deed with two hundred golden Philippeans.

CHRYSALUS: There’s not a particle of these things but what I’ve told him.

NICOBULUS: (reading.) I confess that I have acted foolishly. But I beseech you, father, do not forsake me, if, in my folly, I have transgressed.

Of fierce desires, and eyes uncontrolled, have I been; I have been urged on to do a deed of which I am now ashamed. It were proper, then, that you should have taken heed before you were ashamed.

CHRYSALUS: All these very same words did I say to him only just now.

NICOBULUS: (reading.) I beseech you, father, to consider that it is enough that Chrysalus has reproached me with many cutting words, and by his advice has made me a better man, so that’tis right that you should return him sincere thanks.

CHRYSALUS: Is that written there?

NICOBULUS: Look and see, then you’ll know. (Shows him the letter.)

CHRYSALUS: He that has so offended, how humble to all he is, and of his own accord.

NICOBULUS: (reading.) Now, father, if even yet I may be allowed to ask anything of you, do give me two hundred Philippean pieces, I do entreat you.

CHRYSALUS: By my troth, now, not one even, if you are wise.

NICOBULUS: Let me read on. (Reading.) In set form I have taken an oath that I would give this to the woman this day before nightfall, ere she leaves me. Now, father, have a care that I be not forsworn, and take me hence away from her as soon as you can, on whose account I have incurred so much loss and guilt. Take care and let not the two hundred pieces be a cause of annoyance to you; I will repay you innumerable times as much, if I live.

Farewell, and do attend to these matters. Now, Chrysalus, what do you think?

CHRYSALUS: I won’t give you one bit of advice this day, and I won’t run the risk, that if any mistake is made, you should say that you had done it by my counsel. But, as I conceive, if I were in your place,

I would rather give the gold than suffer him to be corrupted. There is a twofold choice consider which you would adopt; either to lose the gold, or for a lover to be forsworn. I neither order you, nor forbid you, nor do I persuade you.

NICOBULUS: I’m sorry for him.

CHRYSALUS: You don’t do anything surprising—he is your son.

If still more must be lost,’tis better for it to go, than for this disgrace to be everywhere proclaimed.

NICOBULUS: By my troth, I certainly had much rather he had been at Ephesus, so long as he was well, than that he had returned home. But why don’t I hasten to get rid of that which is doomed to be squandered away?

I’ll bring you just now from in-doors twice two hundred Philippeans, both those which, a little time since, to my sorrow, I promised to the Captain, and these others. Wait there; I’ll be out to you, Chrysalus, this instant. (Goes into his house.)

CHRYSALUS: Troy is laid waste, the chiefs have razed Pergamus. I knew some time ago that I should be the ruin of Pergamus.

I’ faith I wouldn’t dare make a bet with him who should say that I was deserving of severe torture; so great confusion am I making. But the door makes a noise; the plunder’s being brought forth from Troy. For the present I’ll hold my tongue. (with the money in two bays.)

NICOBULUS: Take you this gold, Chrysalus; go, carry it to my son.

But I’ll go hence to the market-place to pay this to the Captain.

CHRYSALUS: For my part, I’ll not receive it; do you seek somebody at once to take it. I won’t have it entrusted to me.

NICOBULUS: But do take it; you’re worrying me now. (Holds it to him.)

CHRYSALUS: For my part, I’ll not take it.

NICOBULUS: But, prithee do.

CHRYSALUS: I am telling you what is the fact.

NICOBULUS: You are delaying me.

CHRYSALUS: I don’t want, I say, the gold to be entrusted to me. At all events, find some person to keep a watch upon me.

NICOBULUS: You’re plaguing me.

CHRYSALUS: Well, give it me, if it must be so. (Holds out his hand.)

NICOBULUS: (gives him the money.) Take care of it. I’ll be back here just now. (Exit.)

CHRYSALUS: I’ve taken care—that you shall be a most wretched old fellow; this is bringing an undertaking to a fair ending; even as it has proved my lot to go rejoicing, laden with the spoil.

With safety to myself, and the city taken by stratagem, I now bring home my whole army unhurt. But, Spectators, don’t you now be surprised that I don’t go in triumph;’tis such a common thing, I don’t care for it. Still however, the soldiers shall be received with the usual honeyed wine.

Now I’ll carry off all this booty at once to the Quaestor. (Goes into the house of BACCHIS.)

PHILOXENUS: (Enter PHILOXENUS.) The more I revolve it in my breast, what disturbances my son has raised, into what a course of life, and into what habits he unwittingly has headlong plunged himself, the greater is my concern, and the more do I dread lest he may be ruined or corrupted. I know it; I once was of the same age, and I did all these things; but in a quiet way.

I was gay, I had my mistress, I drank, I feasted, I made presents, but still it was seldom I did so. The methods, too, please me not which I see parents in general employ towards their sons. I have determined to give some latitude to my son, that he may have some scope for his inclinations. I think that’s right; but still, I don’t wish him to give way too much to sloth and wantonness. Now I’m going to Mnesilochus, to see whether, as I requested, by his endeavours he has turned him for me to virtue and to sobriety; as, indeed, I am sure he has done if he has met him, of such a disposition is he by nature. (Exit.)