Chapter 5

(Enter BACCHIS attended by her WOMEN.)

BACCHIS: (to her WOMEN.) It is not for nothing that Laches now desires to speak with me; and, i’ faith, I am not very far from mistaken in making a guess what it is he wants me for.

LACHES: (to himself.) I must take care that I don’t, through anger, miss gaining, in this quarter what I otherwise might, and that I don’t do any thing which hereafter it would have been better I had not done. I’ll accost her. (Accosts her.) Bacchis, good-morrow to you!

BACCHIS: Good-morrow to you, Laches!

LACHES: Troth, now, Bacchis, I suppose you somewhat wonder what can be my reason for sending the lad to fetch you out of doors.

BACCHIS: Upon my faith, I am even in some anxiety as well, when I reflect what I am, lest the name of my calling should be to my prejudice; for my behavior I can easily defend.

LACHES: If you speak the truth, you will be in no danger, woman, from me, for I am now of that age that it is not meet for me to receive forgiveness for a fault; for that reason do I the more carefully attend to every particular, that I may not act with rashness; for if you now do, or intend to do, that which is proper for deserving women to do, it would be unjust for me, in my ignorance, to offer an injury to you, when undeserving of it.

BACCHIS: On my word, great is the gratitude that I ought to feel toward you for such conduct; for he who, after committing an injury, would excuse himself, would profit me but little. But what is the matter?

LACHES: You admit my son, Pamphilus, to your house.

BACCHIS: Ah!

LACHES: Just let me speak: before he was married to this woman, I tolerated your amour.

Stay! I have not yet said to you what I intended. He has now got a wife: look out for another person more to be depended on, while you have time to deliberate; for neither will he be of this mind all his life, nor, i’ faith, will you be always of your present age.

BACCHIS: Who is it says this?

LACHES: His mother-in-law.

BACCHIS: What! that I—

LACHES: That you do: and she has taken away her daughter; and for that reason, has wished secretly to destroy the child that has been born.

BACCHIS: Did I know any other means whereby I might be enabled to establish my credit with you, more solemn than an oath, I would, Laches, assure you of this, that I have kept Pamphilus at a distance from me ever since he took a wife.

LACHES: You are very good. But, pray, do you know what I would prefer that you should do?

BACCHIS: What? Tell me.

LACHES: Go in-doors there (pointing to the house of PHIDIPPUS) to the women, and make the same promise, on oath, to them; satisfy their minds, and clear yourself from this charge.

BACCHIS: I will do so; although, i’ faith, if it had been any other woman of this calling, she would not have done so, I am quite sure; present herself before a married woman for such a purpose! But I do not wish your son to be suspected on an unfounded report, nor appear inconstant, undeservedly, to you, to whom he by no means ought;

for he has deserved of me, that, so far as I am able, I should do him a service.

LACHES: Your language has rendered me quite friendly and well disposed toward you; but not only did they think so—I too believed it. Now that I have found you quite different from what I had expected, take care that you still continue the same—make use of my friendship as you please;

if otherwise—; but I will forbear, that you may not hear any thing unkind from me. But this one thing I recommend you make trial what sort of a friend I am, or what I can effect as such, rather than what as an enemy.

(Enter PHIDIPPUS and a NURSE.)

PHIDIPPUS: (to the NURSE.) Nothing at my house will I suffer you to be in want of; but whatever is requisite shall be supplied you in abundance. Still, when you are well fed and well drenched, do take care that the child has enough. (The NURSE goes into his house.)

LACHES: (to BACCHIS.) My son’s father-in-law, I see, is coming; he is bringing a nurse for the child. (Accosting him.) Phidippus, Bacchis swears most solemnly.

PHIDIPPUS: Is this she?

LACHES: It is.

PHIDIPPUS: Upon my faith, those women don’t fear the Gods; and I don’t think that the Gods care about them.

BACCHIS: (pointing to her ATTENDANTS.) I will give you up my female servants; with my full permission, examine them with any tortures you please. The business at present is this: I must make his wife return home to Pamphilus;

should I effect that, I shall not regret its being reported that I have been the only one to do what other courtesans avoid doing.

LACHES: We find, Phidippus, that our wives have been unjustly suspected by us in this matter. Let us now try her still further; for if your wife discovers that she has given credence to a false charge, she will dismiss her resentment; but if my son is also angry, by reason of the circumstance that his wife has been brought to bed without his knowledge, that is a trifle: his anger on that account will speedily subside. Assuredly in this matter, there is nothing so bad as to be deserving of a separation.

PHIDIPPUS: I sincerely wish it may be so.

LACHES: Examine her; here she is; she herself will satisfy you.

PHIDIPPUS: Why do you tell me these things? Is it because you have not already heard what my feelings are with regard to this matter, Laches? Do you only satisfy their minds.

LACHES: Troth now, Bacchis, I do entreat that what you have promised me you will do.

BACCHIS: Would you wish me, then, to go in about this business?

LACHES: Go, and satisfy their minds, so as to make them believe it.

BACCHIS: I’ll go: although, upon my word, I am quite sure that my presence will be disagreeable to them, for a married woman is the enemy of a mistress, when she has been separated from her husband.

LACHES: But they will be your friends, when they know the reason of your coming.

PHIDIPPUS: And I promise that they shall be your friends, when they know the fact; for you will release them from their mistake, and yourself, at the same time, from suspicion.

BACCHIS: Wretched me! I’m ashamed to meet Philumena. (To her ATTENDANTS.) Do you both follow me into the house. (Goes into the house with PHIDIPPUS and her ATTENDANTS.)

LACHES: (to himself.) What is there that I could more wish for, than what I see has happened to this woman?

To gain favor without loss to myself, and to benefit myself at the same time. For if now it is the fact that she has really withdrawn from Pamphilus, she knows that by that step she has acquired honor and reputation: she returns the favor to him, and, by the same means, attaches us as friends to herself. (Goes into the house.)

(Enter PARMENO, moving along with difficulty.)

PARMENO: (to himself.) Upon my faith, my master does assuredly think my labor of little value;

to have sent me for nothing, where I have been sitting the whole day to no purpose, waiting at the citadel for Callidemides, his landlord at Myconos. And so, while sitting there to-day, like a fool, as each person came by, I accosted him:— Young man, just tell me, pray, are you a Myconian? I am not. But is your name Callidemides? No. Have you any former guest here named Pamphilus?

All said, No; and I don’t believe that there is any such person. At last, i’ faith, I was quite ashamed, and went away. But how is it I see Bacchis coming out of our neighbor’s? What business can she have there? (Enter BACCHIS, from the house of PHIDIPPUS.)

BACCHIS: Parmeno, you make your appearance opportunely; run with all speed to Pamphilus.

PARMENO: Why thither?

BACCHIS: Say that I entreat him to come.

PARMENO: To your house?

BACCHIS: No; to Philumena.

PARMENO: What’s the matter?

BACCHIS: Nothing that concerns you; so cease to make inquiry.

PARMENO: Am I to say nothing else?

BACCHIS: Yes; that Myrrhina has recognized that ring as her daughter’s, which he formerly gave me.

PARMENO: I understand—is that all?

BACCHIS: That’s all. He will be here directly he has heard this from you. But do you linger?

PARMENO: Far from it, indeed; for I’ve not had the opportunity given me to-day;

so much with running and walking about have I wasted the whole day. (Goes into the house of LACHES.)

BACCHIS: What great joy have I caused for Pamphilus by my coming to-day! How many blessings have I brought him! and from how many sorrows have I rescued him! A son I save for him, when it was nearly perishing through the agency of these women and of himself: a wife, whom he thought that he must cast off forever, I restore to him:

from the suspicion that he lay under with his father and Phidippus, I have cleared him. This ring, in fact, was the cause of these discoveries being made. For I remember, that about ten months ago, at an early hour of night, he came running home to my house, out of breath, without a companion, and surcharged with wine, with this ring in his hand. I felt alarmed immediately: My Pamphilus, I said, prithee, my dear, why thus breathless, or where did you get that ring?—tell me! He began to pretend that he was thinking of something else. When I saw that, I began to suspect I know not what, and to press him still more to tell me. The fellow confessed that he had ravished some female, he knew not whom, in the street; and said, that while she was struggling, he had taken that ring away from her.

Myrrhina here recognized it just now, while I had it on my finger. She asked whence it came: I told her all the story. Hence the discovery has been made that it was Philumena ravished by him, and that this new-born child is his. I am overjoyed that this happiness hsa befallen him through my agency; although other courtesans would not have similar feelings; nor, indeed, is it to our interest that any lover should find pleasure in matrimony. But, i’ faith, I never, for the sake of gain, will give my mind to base actions. So long as I had the opportunity, I found him to be kind, easy, and good-natured. This marriage has fallen out unluckily for me,—that I confess to be the fact. But, upon my word, I do think that I have done nothing for it to befall me deservedly.

It is but reasonable to endure inconveniences from one from whom I have received so many benefits.

(Enter PAMPHILUS and PARMENO, from the house of LACHES, on the other side of the stage.)

PAMPHILUS: Once more, take care, will you, my dear Parmeno, that you have brought me a faithful and distinct account, so as not to allure me for a short time to indulge in these transient joys.

PARMENO: I have taken care.

PAMPHILUS: For certain?

PARMENO: For certain.

PAMPHILUS: I am quite a God, if it is so!

PARMENO: You’ll find it true.

PAMPHILUS: Just stay, will you; I fear that I’m believing one thing, and you are telling another.

PARMENO: I am staying.

PAMPHILUS: I think you said to this effect—that Myrrhina had discovered that Bacchis has her ring.

PARMENO: It is the fact.

PAMPHILUS: The one I formerly gave to her; and she has desired you to tell me this: is such the fact?

PARMENO: Such is so, I tell you.

PAMPHILUS: Who is there happier than I, and, in fact, more full of joyousness? What am I to present you for these tidings? What?—what? I know not.

PARMENO: But I know.

PAMPHILUS: What?

PARMENO: Why, nothing; for neither in the tidings nor in myself do I know of there being any advantage to you.

PAMPHILUS: What! am I to suffer you, who have caused me, when dead, to be restored from the shades to life—to leave me unrewarded? Oh, you deem me too thankless! But look—I see Bacchis standing before the door;

she’s waiting for me, I suppose; I’ll accost her.

BACCHIS: Save you, Pamphilus!

PAMPHILUS: Oh Bacchis! Oh my Bacchis—my preserver!

BACCHIS: It is a fortunate thing, and gives me great delight.

PAMPHILUS: By your actions, you give me reason to believe you, and so much do you retain your former charming qualities, that wherever you go, the meeting with you, your company, your conversation, always give pleasure.

BACCHIS: And you, upon my word, possess your former manners and disposition; so much so that not a single man living is more engaging than you.

PAMPHILUS: (laughing.) Ha, ha, ha! do you tell me so?

BACCHIS: You had reason, Pamphilus, for being so fond of your wife. For never before to-day did I set eyes upon her, so as to know her: she seems a very gentle person.

PAMPHILUS: Tell the truth.

BACCHIS: So may the Gods bless me, Pamphilus!

PAMPHILUS: Tell me, have you as yet told any of these matters to my father?

BACCHIS: Not a word.

PAMPHILUS: Nor is there need, in fact; therefore keep it a secret: I don’t wish it to be the case here as it is in the Comedies, where every thing is known to every body. Here, those’ who ought to know, know already; but those who ought not to know, shall neither hear of it nor know it.

BACCHIS: Nay more, I will give you a proof why you may suppose that this may be the more easily concealed.

Myrrhina has told Phidippus to this effect—that she has given credit to my oath, and that, in consequence, in her eyes you are exculpated.

PAMPHILUS: Most excellent; and I trust that this matter will turn out according to our wishes.

PARMENO: Master, may I not be allowed to know from you what is the good that I have done to-day, or what it is you are talking about?

PAMPHILUS: You may not.

PARMENO: Still I suspect.

I restore him, when dead, from the shades below. In what way?

PAMPHILUS: You don’t know, Parmeno, how much you have benefited me to-day, and from what troubles you have extricated me.

PARMENO: Nay, but indeed I do know: and I did not do it without design.

PAMPHILUS: I know that well enough (ironically).

BACCHIS: Could Parmeno, from negligence, omit any thing that ought to be done?

PAMPHILUS: Follow me in, Parmeno.

PARMENO: I’ll follow; for my part, I have done more good to-day, without knowing it, than ever I did, knowingly, in all my life.

(Coming forward.) Grant us your applause.