Chapter 3

(Enter SATURIO and his DAUGHTER, in the habit of a PERSIAN.)

SATURIO: May this same matter turn out well for me, and for yourself, and for my stomach, and for everlasting victuals for it as well for all time to come; that I may have more than enough, a superfluity, and that it may outlast me. Follow me this way, my daughter, with the Gods’ good leave. The matter to which we are to give our attention, you know, you remember, you understand; to you I have communicated all my designs.

For that reason have I dressed you out after this fashion; young woman, to-day you are to be sold.

DAUGHTER: Prithee, my dear father, although you do eagerly long for victuals at another’s cost, are you for the sake of your appetite going to sell your own daughter?

SATURIO: It is a wonder, indeed, if I don’t sell you, who are my own, for the sake of King Philip or Attalus, rather than my own.

DAUGHTER: Whether do you regard me as your slave or as your daughter?

SATURIO: I’ faith, that of the two which shall appear most for the interest of my stomach; it’s my authority over you, I suppose, not yours over me.

DAUGHTER: This power is yours, father; but still, although our circumstances are but very limited, it’s better to pass our lives with frugality and moderation; for if disgrace is added to poverty, poverty will be more unendurable, our character more frail.

SATURIO: Why really you are impertinent.

DAUGHTER: I am not, nor do I think that I am, when, though of youthful age, I give good advice to my father. For enemies carry about slander not in the form in which it took its rise.

SATURIO: Let them carry it about, and let them go to utter and extreme perdition. I don’t value all their enmities any more than if an empty table were now set before me.

DAUGHTER: Father, the scandal of men is everlasting; even then does it survive, when you would suppose it to be dead.

SATURIO: What? Are you afraid lest I should sell you?

DAUGHTER: I am not afraid of that, father; but I wish you not to pretend to do so.

SATURIO: Then it’s in vain you wish me not; this shall be done rather after my own fashion than yours.

DAUGHTER: Shall be done!

SATURIO: What is the matter, now?

DAUGHTER: Father, reflect upon these words: if a master has threatened punishment to a slave, although it is not intended to be, still, when the whip is taken up, while he is taking off his tunics, with what an amount of misery is he afflicted. Now, that which is not to be, I’m still in fear of.

SATURIO: Damsel or woman none will there ever be, but what she must be good for nothing, who is too wise to be giving satisfaction to her parents.

DAUGHTER: Damsel and woman none can there be, but what she must be good for nothing, who holds her peace if she sees anything going on wrong.

SATURIO: ’Twere better for you to beware of a mischief.

DAUGHTER: But if I cannot beware, what am I to do? For it’s as to yourself I wish to beware.

SATURIO: What, am I a mischief?

DAUGHTER: You are not, nor is it becoming for me to say so; but for this purpose am I using my endeavours, that others may not say so who have that liberty.

SATURIO: Let each one say what he pleases; from this purpose I shall not be moved.

DAUGHTER: But, could it be after my own way, you would be acting prudently, rather than foolishly.

SATURIO: It is my pleasure.

DAUGHTER: I know that I must let it be your pleasure so far as I’m concerned; but it should not please you to be your pleasure, if I had my way.

SATURIO: Are you going to be obedient to your father’s orders, or not?

DAUGHTER: To be obedient.

SATURIO: Do you know then what I instructed you?

DAUGHTER: Everything.

SATURIO: Both this, how you were stolen?

DAUGHTER: I understand it perfectly well.

SATURIO: And who your parents were?

DAUGHTER: I keep it in my memory. You cause me of necessity to be artful; but take you care, when you wish to give me in marriage, that this story doesn’t cause the match to be given up.

SATURIO: Hold your tongue, simpleton. Do you not see the customs of people now-a-days, that marriage is easily effected here with a reputation of any kind? So long as there’s a marriage-portion, no fault is reckoned as a fault.

DAUGHTER: Then take you care, and let this occur to your thoughts, that I am without a fortune.

SATURIO: Take you care, please, how you say that.

By my faith, through the merits of the Gods and of my ancestors I’ll say it, you must not say that you are without a fortune, who have a marriage-portion at home. Why look, I’ve got a whole carriage-full of books at home. If you carefully give your attention to this matter in which we are exerting ourselves, six hundred bon-mots shall be given you out of them as a fortune, all Attic ones, too; you shall not receive a single Sicilian one. With this for a fortune, you might safely marry a beggar even.

DAUGHTER: Why, then, don’t you take me, father, if you are going to take me anywhere? Either do you sell me, or do with me what you please.

SATURIO: You ask what’s fair and right. Follow me this way.

DAUGHTER: I’m obedient to your command. (They go into the house, to TOXILUS.)

(Enter DORDALUS, from his house.)

DORDALUS: (to himself.) I wonder what I’m to say my neighbour is going to do, who swore to me that he would pay the money to-day? But if he should not pay it, and this day go by, I shall have forfeited the money, he his oath. But the door there makes a noise. I wonder who’s coming out of doors?

(Enter TOXILUS, from his MASTER’S house, with a purse in his hand.)

TOXILUS: (speaking at the door to the PERSONS within.) Take you care of that in-doors; I shall betake myself home just now.

DORDALUS: Toxilus, how are you?

TOXILUS: How now!—pimping filth mixed up with mud! How now!—public dung-heap! dirty, dishonest, lawless, enticer, disgrace to the public; you hawk after money, greedy and envious;

you impudent, rapacious, craving fellow (in three hundred lines no person could run through your villanies), will you take the money? (Holding out the purse.) Take the money, will you, shameless fellow. Take hold of the money, will you. Are you going to take the money, then? Can I make you take the money, filth? (Keeps moving it away.)

You didn’t suppose that I should have had so much money—you, who didn’t venture to trust me at all except upon oath?

DORDALUS: Do let me recover breath, so as to give you an answer. Fellow, dregs of the populace, you stable for she-slaves, you liberator of harlots, you surface for the lash, you wearer-out of the fetters, you citizen of the treadmill, you slave everlastingly, you gormandizer, glutton, pilferer, runaway, give me the money, will you. Give me the money, impudence. Can I get the money out of you? Give me the money, I say. Why don’t you give me the money? Are you ashamed of nothing?

You impersonation of slavery, a Procurer is asking money of you for the liberation of your mistress, so that all may hear it.

TOXILUS: Troth now, prithee, do hold your tongue. For sure your voice is in first-rate strength.

DORDALUS: I’ve got a tongue made for returning a compliment. Salt is provided for me at the same price as for yourself.

Unless this tongue protects me, it shall never lick a bit of salt.

TOXILUS: I’ll cease to be angry now. It was for this I blamed you, because you refused to trust me for the money.

DORDALUS: ’Twas a wonder, indeed, that I didn’t trust you, that you might do the same to me that some of the bankers do.

When you’ve entrusted them with anything, they immediately run more quickly away from the Forum than a hare, when, at the games, he’s let out of the entrance of his cage.

TOXILUS: (holding out the money.) Take this, will you.

DORDALUS: Why don’t you give it then?

TOXILUS: (giving it.) There will be here six hundred didrachms, full weight and counted; cause the damsel to be set at liberty, and bring her out here forthwith.

DORDALUS: I’ll have her here this moment.

I’ faith, I don’t know to whom now to give this money to be tested.

TOXILUS: Perhaps you are afraid to entrust it to any one’s hands?

DORDALUS: Strange if I wasn’t. More quickly, now-a-days, do bankers abscond from the Forum, than a wheel spins round in a race.

TOXILUS: (pointing.) Do you go that way, through the alleys, the back way to the Forum;

let this damsel pass through the same way to our house, through the garden.

DORDALUS: I’ll have her here this moment.

TOXILUS: But not in public view.

DORDALUS: Very discreet.

TOXILUS: To-morrow she must go to return thanks.

DORDALUS: I’ faith, just so indeed.

TOXILUS: While you’ve been loitering, you might have got back. (Exit DORDALUS; TOXILUS goes into the house.)